Friday, October 31, 2008

Listless Days, Restless Nights

Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. Behold I would wander far away, I would lodge in the wilderness. I would hasten to my place of refuge. From the stormy wind and tempest - King David (Psalm 55:6-8)

The best of life is over and it's bitters double...I am sick at heart. I have outlived all my appetites and most of my vanities - Lord Byron

I called Chat today to tell her I want to move to Fisherman's Reach, NSW Australia where my cousin and her husband lives. "Mom, last week you were ready to move to New Mexico -you just want to go anywhere as long as it says "new". You're acting like Angelina Jolie - except that she has money and you don't." Oh, minor details.

Fishing in Oklahoma 2 weeks ago. Reason to move to Fishermans Reach. My motto: Simplify, Simplify. With internet connections of course.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Paul Potts and Arnel Pineda

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10 - 12

On June 9, 2007, twelve days before Arnel Pineda's life was about to change for good, Paul Potts was making his mark at Britains Got Talent. Watching his rendition of Nessun Dorma, roughly translated as "None shall sleep," I could not help my emotion of pity and excitement. Paul Potts approached the microphone and Lord-help-us Simon Cowell, visibly nervous and hesitant to smile because of his crooked teeth. He sang and the crowd erupted into applause and awe - including Simon. The rest is here.

Julz and Cherry - the two women behind these men. Julz and Paul has been married for 6 years and Julz helped Paul sacrificially and emotionally. When Paul was temporarily incapacitated due to an accident, Julz was there to help bathe and feed him. But I believe the reason Paul kept going was because Julz was there simply believing that Paul will one day live out his dream of doing "what he was born to do".

Listening to snippets of Cherry's interview, I get the idea that she had always believed in Arnel's talent that needed to be harnessed, but no one noticed. Watching the latest interview of Arnel Pineda with Wonder Mom and looking at Arnel in his new house with a snapshot of Cherry on his lap, is enough to make you believe in God. And fairy tales. When Arnel got on the first plane out after his last concert, you know the man had a homing device back in Manila. It's called Cherry.

Stephen King, once said of why he persevered and became a successful writer : "I would have dropped the whole thing had my wife said one single word of discouragement, the reason I kept going was because she was behind me." I agree, kill a man's dream and aspirations and you will surely bury him alive.

We've heard it said, behind every man's success or failure is a woman, a woman's job is never done..etc. God has created us all for a purpose but what really is the woman's role in a man's life? I used to think - you wake up very early then wake up your husband, if he gets up and goes to work, then your job is done and you go back to sleep. No wonder I is single.

Friday, October 24, 2008

I Miss Freddy- Viva Farrokh

Five months before Freddy Mercury died of AIDS, he wanted to do one more song. The video was done in black and white to hide his faltering health. I miss you Freddy.

Sometimes I get to feelin
I was back in the old days - long ago
When we were kids when we were young
Thing seemed so perfect - you know
The days were endless we were crazy we were young
The sun was always shinin - we just lived for fun
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just dont know
The rest of my lifes been just a show

Those were the days of our lives
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but one thing is true
When I look and I find I still love you

You cant turn back the clock you cant turn back the tide
Aint that a shame
Id like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride
When life was just a game
No use in sitting and thinkin on what you did
When you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just dont know
Better sit back and go with the flow

Cos these are the days of our lives
Theyve flown in the swiftness of time
These days are all gone now but some things remain
When I look and I find no change

Those were the days of our lives - yeah
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but one things still true
When I look and I find
I still love you

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Can I? Or May I Leave Now?

Lovers and madmen have such seething brains - Shakespeare

It's 1248 at night and I just hang up from my boyfriend (but Chat says when you're over 50 -you should not call each other bf/gf but nursing-home-friend). I am seething blue from anger. Anger at myself. We women are gifted with a sixth sense - we know when a relationship is over long before we know how to put it in words. But we don't leave, we don't confront, we don't even stop being nice to him inspite that we're dying inside. We stay until there's nothing left of us but a shadow of who we were.

I know I should have walked away from this relationship two years ago. But I didn't, because I didn't want to be alone, and I didn't want to have to explain to friends why it did not work. So I continued with the show, because really, it's all a show. See? I have a boyfriend, you don't need to pity me. But the resentment was eating me alive. The resentment became too much to hide, I lost my self-respect, which diminished my respect for him. And in time, slowly but surely - loathing and contempt has come. Not towards him but me.

I am angry for not having the courage to walk away from something that has suffocated my spirit and stopped me from feeling whole. From something that is hindering me from moving forward towards independence. Most of us stay in a relationship for financial reasons. That's why we women should establish ourselves financially and spiritually before we embark on a relationship, so when we meet that man, we will know for sure that we are not in need but in love.

It's healthy to be angry as long as we don't let it control us or it will lead to unforgiveness. Unforgiveness not only imprisons but also makes us sick. The antidote to unforgiveness? I try to remember that one man named Jesus ransomed me not with gold or silver but with His own blood. And I remember to be grateful that when things seem so dark, I'm not lost even when I could not find His hand, because I know His heart. And I hear Him whisper : Don't cry because it's over, be happy because it happened. I will try but not tonight.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Lullaby Man

I am one who needs at least an hour of preparation to go to sleep - meaning, I lay in bed for at least an hour wrestling with my brain to stop thinking and go to sleep. Until now, I have not considered the idea of having a man lull me to sleep. But where do you buy them? And can you train them? I don't mean the puppies.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

God Blessed The Broken Road

Video Courtesy of Yeroon123-Thanks. By Selah.

I can't begin to understand the pain you're going through. But God does.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Hang in there Seve

Never regret anything that made you smile - Ruslana Kurshonova

I don't know Severiano Ballesteros, I only met him last year at the Masters Tournament through NJ, but Seve made me smile, made me feel good - I even promised to see him in Carnoustie for The Open, knowing that I could not afford to go there. It's just as well that I didn't go because he made his announcement there to retire. In 1975, he started in Carnoustie, it's just fitting to end it in Carnoustie.

At practice at Augusta National. I have other pics I took of him but this is my favorite I used as my screensaver.

Twenty five years ago, NJ would bore me with golf and talks about Seve incessantly and I would pretend to be the "interested, good listener girlfriend" (shut up already) but when I finally met him last year, all I could say was, "Ooh, wow, really?" This Spaniard took my breath away. Winner of 5 majors, gray speckled hair and a flat belly? The British gallery loves him because Seve wears his heart in his sleeve. Seve cries. And I just love a man who cries.

And now I cry, because Seve is laid up in a hospital in Madrid because of a brain tumor. He made this statement from his hospital bed before the surgery :

"Throughout my career I have been among the best at overcoming challenges on the golf course," Now I want to be the best confronting the hardest challenge of my life - with all my strength, counting on all of you who are sending me encouraging messages."

Seve, I am praying for you. Look up from whence comes your help, your help comes from the Lord.

2008 Petit Le Mans

At last years Le Mans, Chat kept telling me how exhilarating it was to be around different race cars and the European race car drivers. (Lord help me, remember how she got me started with the Arnel Pineda video?) So this time I told her to make sure and bring me back videos of roaring engines and hot European men.
Well, I got 90% of Chat and only 10% of Le Mans.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

My Arnel Is Getting Married

Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things - 1 Corinthians 13:6-7

I knew it. All along, I knew it. I was betting on a winner. That is My Arnel. I received an email this afternoon telling me about Arnel Pineda getting married. My heart rejoiced and I blurted out proudly to my co-workers : I knew he would do the right thing!

Arnel Pineda completed a whirlwind tour of 69 performances, with an album that made platinum and a bonus of women - young and old willing and wishing to throw themselves at him. Yet, My Arnel knows what matters. And what matters most.

I don't know Arnel and I don't know Cherry but I always pray for God to comfort Cherry's heart because whoever said that distance makes the heart grow fonder, is a fool. Distance makes the heart forget.

In my quiet moments I often wonder what it must feel like having a famous husband or boyfriend who is away and all you see is a YouTube or webcam version of them. How tough do you have to be so you can sleep well at night and be at peace during the day? Yes, you can spend well but you don't live well. I don't care what people say, yes, Filipinos are used to being separated and still manage to stay married. That is why my heart aches for the OFW's. But what kind of a marriage? And does it have to be that way?

I am very glad that Arnel came to this decision. Arnel needs Cherry now more than ever because fame is very oppressive. Arnel's eyes have lost it's sparkle and I expected this to happen, because the endorphine enduced high stimulated by the all too sudden fame is all too much for the body to handle. The mountain top is nice for a visit but we can't live there, we have to come down because it's in the valley that we grow.

Now, I only wish that Arnel gets married in the Philippines and not here in America because over there I don't have to be invited. As long as my friend's neighbors cousin's co-workers mother is invited, I am in.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

My journey in New Mexico

OMG!!! I fell in love with New Mexico. I did not get to meet any of the Jboys, but that's ok. I prefer it that way anyway. I'm not even sure I want to go to the "meet and greet" because I am afraid that the cleaning crew would not be happy cleaning after me. Unless I have my Depends ready.

But I did get to meet interesting people.

The Navajo Code Talkers where the movie The WindTalkers (Nicholas Cage) is based from. I got my book The Code Talkers signed by all of them.

Michael Thomas - a jazz musician who plays at the plaza. I asked him if he has a real job, he said No. He barely makes enough money but he's doing what he loves.

Joseph and his dog "sister". Joseph has no home but a tent up in the hills of Santa Fe. He has been living as a vagabond for 2 years now after serving the US army. But he prefers it that way. "It is more peaceful, and I want peace" he said. Now I know how a well-heeled woman suddenly becomes homeless - she falls in love with a homeless man and moves in with him.

Steve has a simple wish: I want to be a tricycle driver. When he came to New Mexico from Michigan 2 years ago, on vacation with his wife, he rode in one of these. He told his wife "I want to move here and this is what I would do, drive people around for a tour." I'm not sure what happened to the wife after hearing him proclaimed his lofty goal and achieved it too.

And last but not least. Marikit from the AP shoutbox read my blog about me coming to New Mexico. She emailed me and wants to know if we could hook up, of course we can. She bought her concert and plane tickets and we met for the first time. She has such a calming presence, unassuming but independent spirit and a Manchester United die-hard fan. We had such a great time talking we forgot to take pictures of us. Until we meet again, glad to have met you Dr. Geslani.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Journey In New Mexico -2

I don't know why I even try, but these are the best pictures I have.

Dean and Jonathan singing with Cheap Trick

Neal playing the Star Spangled Banner

"It hardly rains in New Mexico and when it does, it does not rain long," that's what the taxi driver told me. But last night, it continued trickling all throughout the night. But people came and stayed in the rain. One concert goer said that fans from neighboring cities were coming because it's not often that big name bands come to town and Journal Pavilion was the only venue they could come to. Also, Journey's performance last night was the last performance at Journal for this year.

I noticed that the fans were young(er) and it was more like a family affair; seated next to me was a girl about 14 or 15 years old with her dad and an older brother. The girl was very quiet and timid but I noticed that everytime Arnel comes to the middle of the stage facing us, she would light up and scream or clap. Then when Arnel stood up in the box, she screamed and jumped for his attention. I wanted to say, "Hush girl, grandma here feels the same way" but maybe she thought Arnel is her age.

There was a lady I think from the local tv station who was up in the stage with the band all the time following mostly Arnel with her video camera. Arnel may be tired but he wore that lady out from chasing him left and right of the stage. Most of the time she was taking the video from behind Arnel towards the audience, but I think it's them black leather pants she liked to view from behind. Who knows. All I was thinking was : When I grow up I want to be like her, get a job like that chasing Arnel Pineda. But Arnel would be too old then.

Journey In New Mexico

Arnel Pineda is that good. The kid is a pro. And the J-boys? They look amazingly refreshed, energized and there's much vitality but you don't know where it's coming from; like an old car with a new paint job? Like, you know it's been sitting in your neighbors garage for a long time, you have not seen it driven, yet when it came out of the garage it was not sputtering - it took off bright and roaring.But the driver is not your familiar neighbor.

The stage lighting at Journal Pavilion was definitely better than the one at Superpages when Journey was here. Except for some momentary black outs for stage effect, the light upstage was continually bright and the lighting for the audience enabled the band to see the audience and make eye contact far beyond the 3rd row.

That's how I was able to see Jonathan very clearly when he played the organ and helped Robin Zander with Cheap Trick sing Surrender and Deen was also brought in towards their last song. Jonathan and Deen looked out of place at first, they both had an uneasy smile that seemed to say, "Yup, we feel awkward, but wait til you see us with our own tribe."

And their own tribe did show up. Arnel came out in black garb: ski hat, scarf wrapped around his neck. And I didn't think the boy could get away with leather pants. Yes he did, and Yes, it was hot. But maybe not too hot because he only took off his head gear. Looking at Arnels hair fluttering over his shoulder gently, softly, shinily (if there's such a word) I wanted to hate him: How in the world did I get blessed with hairs like that of a porcupine?

Anyway,also because of good lighting I was able to feast my eyes on Ross Valory I almost forgot that there were other members of the band. Like Deen. I am not sure if it was just my eyes or the lighting but I'm telling you, Deen's eyes were dancing, gleaming with a boyish smile happily banging his pots and pans, "Look mommy, I don't need Ritalin."

Neal played the Star Spangled Banner, while the red, white and blue was fluttering on the screen, then gave the V-sign when he was finished. It dug out a warm feeling inside me, making me pause for a moment how grateful I am of America, to be naturalized and be a part of her. And a part of last nights concert. Maybe it's just me wanting to believe this but when the boys sang the song without Arnel, I honestly believe it was a calculated move by the boys to lighten the load on Arnel's throat. To help little brother. Because this needs to be said; Arnel Pineda is tired. That's why I said he is that good and he is a pro because He hardly had no voice but Arnel came on top last night. I want to see again the life back in that signature Arnel Pineda smile. I want the dancing mooneyes again.

I have not seen Ross sing much until last night. Oooh,I was mesmerized when he looked down at someone in the audience and gave his teasing smile. (Even though it was not me he was looking at) When Arnel and Neal had their backs together doing Lights, Arnel leaned hard on Neal's back, then slid down gesturing to Ross that he was tired so he's using Neals back as his bed, Ross opened his mouth so big and laughed so hard. Now, I remember why I wanted to elope with him. Them tight jeans covering his legs the size of my ankle, and converse shoes just kills me.

Ok, let me stop dreaming as I'm hardly coherent here...from lack of sleep. I got back to my hotel room around midnight last night then left the hotel at 4a.m. to catch the 6am flight back to Dallas. So I just got home about 5 hours ago. As expected I don't have good pictures but that's not the worse, I bought a front row seat and paid $317 for it only to find out that Live Nation double booked it. So why was I the one to leave the seat and be herded out back to the 6th row instead of the 1st row? I could have made things difficult for the security people and demand that they rectify it and put me on the same row because there was an empty seat but I did not want to use my energy for a negative discussion. The head security came back with a bracelet to allow me to go to the VIP area to get drinks. Are you kidding me? But I have this principle: I already lost the money, I can't damage my body too. So why engage in a heated discussion when those boys are just doing their jobs? I told Chat what happened and she was fuming -"Tomorrow, Live Nation will hear from me." You go girl, go on with your bad self.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

To Muse or Be A-mused

When I opened my eyes this morning, it took me a while to comprehend where I was. I was so out of it then I heard my cell phone beeping, I thought it was my alarm waking me up to get to the airport for New Mexico. It was Chat's message from last night that they made it to Atlanta for the Le Mans racing.

I got out of bed then staggered to the living room and plopped on my chaise, coiled myself into a fetal position and fell asleep again. I just could not get out of this malaise so I had to cancel out on going to Studio Movie Grill tonight for the Palin-Biden debate. I was one of the 115 people selected by a local radio station to attend and have a post-debate discussion with Scott Wilder.
How could I discuss anything when I didn't even know where I was this morning?

I am really saving my energy for New Mexico. See, I have my priorities in order. Between discussing politics which I know nothing about, and being a-mused by Arnel Pineda and Ross Valory, which do you think I would go for?

Last years Le Mans, this was Chat trying to be nice, smiling but she was really ticked at John and the pit boys for asking her to do this.
How dare you make me stand here in the heat. I'm only here so I can oogle at the European race car drivers....