Thursday, December 30, 2010

Of cats and men

Here's my advice to parents who has kids who owns animals: Pretend you're dead or that your allergies will be in the deadly category if you're near any animals. Because if you don't, trust me, you'll end up taking care of them, as if they're your grandkids. Anything in the house that moves and eats and doesn't clean up is not good news.(That is why I'm still single.) Christmas time always lands me a job I don't want....taking care of Chat's cat. She and her husband always spend Christmas with his parents in Colorado and I spend Christmas in Dallas. Alone with the cat.

This cat is male and very demonstrative; as soon as I come in to their house, he backs himself against the wall and gives you that look, like warning you not to come near him. And if you force yourself on him, he'll let you hold him and caress him, but just long enough for you to want more and drive you crazy. (Someone said that if a woman employ this trick on a man she can get a 5 carat diamond) Well, if I've learned anything this year, it is that next Christmas, by all means I will have a man, even if I have to rent him and clean him up, just so I don't appear lonely and make Chat feel compelled to leave me her cat. If I sound like I am complaining, it's probably because...I am.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Great American Mall Death over

Finally, the Great American Mall Death March (what Stephen King calls Christmas) is over, at least for this year. But there's another march to the mall (this one is necessary)and that is to return or exchange the gift you showed a lot of glee and excitement for in front of the giver, but under your breath you were saying , what kind of crap is this? Admit it, you were saying: Large? so you think I'm fat? who gave you the idea that my husband likes nylon? how dare you to think that the sound of a garbage bag rubbing against his body stimulates me. This summer recycled this, right? Ok, so maybe you're not this hard-to-please person and you're really happy to receive gifts, even if you can't use them for yourself. I salute you, but what are you going to do with them?

I admit, I'm very hard to buy for, because sincerely, my needs are met daily and my list of wants is pretty slim. A close friend of mine has become very astute when she wants to give me something. She will call me from the bookstore and get the store clerk to talk to me so I can tell him the title of the book I want. Chat though, always knew what to give me. But for this Christmas, I could not take a chance, so I hinted on the specifics. "I want a trip." I said, "With 180 degree recline or flat bed." I was hinting on a first class ticket; you know, where you can sleep on seats reclined to almost the length of a coffin. She was quick to respond: "No problem. And what kind of music do you want? Will omit the flowers since you don't like them." Here I was, thinking of a trans-Atlantic or a trans-Pacific flight and she's thinking of eternity. No wonder I can always use a trip to the therapists' couch.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Merry Christmas!!!

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, “Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu.”

“Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!” said Rosita.

“Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu.

I love you and it's the perfect time,” Pedro begged.

“But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon,” replied Rosita.

“Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me.”
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, “OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu.”

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang ...

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,

Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,

Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,

and a Happy New Year."


Saturday, December 18, 2010

Almond Date pastry

I took some cold medicine and it's making me hyper, so I thought I'd put the energy to good use. I made Almond Date pastry... very easy to make. Recipe below if you want to make it.

For the pastry: 1.5 cups all purpose flour, 1 egg, 6 tbsp butter.
For the filling: 1/2 c butter, 7 tbsp caster sugar (just ground your regular sugar instead of buying one) 1 egg beaten, 1 cup ground almonds, 2 tbsp plain flour, 2 tbsp orange flower water, 13 fresh dates halved and stoned, 4 tbsp apricot jam

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees and place a baking sheet in the oven. Work the flour and butter with your fingertips until mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs, add egg and tbsp of cold water and work to a smooth dough.
2. Roll out the pastry to cover an 8" tart pan. Prick the base with a fork then chill until needed.
3. To make the filling, cream the butter and sugar until light then beat in the egg. Stir in the ground almonds, flour and 1 tbsp orange water and mix well. ( I didn't have orange water so I used, water and corn syrup instead)
4. Spread the mixture evenly, arrange the dates, cut side down on the almond mixture and bake on the hot baking sheet for 10-15 minutes, then reduce heat to 350, and bake for another 15-20 minutes or until light golden.
5. Cool and gently heat the apricot jam and run through the sieve and brush on the pastry. (I haven't brushed this one yet, am too lazy to do it now then take a picture)

Now you don't need the recipe for this one below, in fact, we don't need this at all. But life is too short to worry about pig grease.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Shabbat Shalom ya'll

Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh...I AM WHO I AM says the Lord God. Out of Zion will come the Savior.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Cost of Living

"When things are going smooth, could it be that you're going downhill?" I forgot where I read this from.

There was never a period in my life where I dreaded getting old; you know how others say, "I hated turning 30, 40 or 50." Not me, in fact, turning 50 was very liberating to me. I know I am getting old not only by the number getting higher but also by how how I feel,but my goodness, do I have to be reminded about it?

Remember when early this year Toyota was sending out notices about a recall on one of their car models? I didn't get one, instead, some law firm spammed my inbox (and still is) with notices about a "Hip replacement recall" and regardless that I keep flagging them as spam, they continue to come. And gone are the days when Toyota and Honda dealerships used to send me press releases about a new model coming up in the market. But fortunately, some dealers out there still believe that I can still drive because I now get brochures from the Scooter Store. And when it said that I could also avail of a 'power chair' and Medicare will pay half or all of it, I wasn't sure what the tears streaming down my cheeks meant. The brochure says that if I opted for one with a joystick, it will allow me to maneuver in tight spaces and I can now prepare snacks by myself. Since when do you need a motorized vehicle to prepare a snack? But this is not what really makes me feel old. If you look at the dating sites for young people, there's a tab that you can click and see "Who flirts with you", but in the senior sites the tab says : "See who poke you." Poke? Well, that's assuming that I could still see. (Or feel) Let me go so I can wail.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Santa Needs Helpers

When I got this card I laughed so hard my water broke, and I'm not even pregnant.

I'm thankful for....

Lately, I noticed that I'm leaning more to the left. And I don't mean my political views; I'm talking about my left leg getting shorter than my right leg. Don't you just hate it when your doctor prophesied about it and it happens? I started to wonder what I can do to make it even up with my right leg, I thought: bungee jumping? You know, where they tie your legs and flip your guts up your throat and hope your dentures doesn't fall off. Naaah, I can live with a short left leg. Actually, in the bigger scheme of things losing an inch or two is nothing compared to losing a toe or the whole leg or losing half of my brains function. So instead of listing down my wish list for Christmas, here's my list of things to be thankful for.

1. I'm thankful that Christmas "season" only lasts 31 days.
2. I'm thankful that merchants give us 1 day to rest from the "season" before they bombard us with more red stuff for Valentines.
3. I'm thankful that this 1 day can be used to return hideous gifts to the store and exchange it for cash.
4. I'm thankful that I don't have a "Valentine" because I don't want to use that cash to buy him something.
5. I'm thankful that I lost half of my memory, then I'm only half tacky.
Santa broke his what he says.

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Why is it that women loves to talk and men kicks the cat instead of just telling her to shut up.

Wednesday, December 08, 2010


It's a very nice day outside, the sun is bright, the wind is still and 55's beginning to feel like Christmas. But I'm staying in and making empanada from a recipe my cousin Pearl gave me over 10 years ago. The trick to a sweet dough is the 7-up added to it. Here's the ingredients to the dough: 6 c flour, 1 c sugar 8 egg yolks 1.5 stick butter 1 tbsp salt and 1 c 7-up. For the filling, you can use whatever you want. (By the way, I made too much filling so I'll make it into egg rolls)
You can seal it however way you like.Keep them in the freezer and take out only when ready to use it. You don't have to thaw it, you can fry straight from the freezer. It's done when it's golden brown because the filling is totally cooked.

Friday, December 03, 2010

Plastic will do

I've read that roughly 13 million Americans are still paying off their Christmas bills from last year. And this explains my theory about the bad attitudes people have during the month of December: No other month during the year, but only in the month of December that I have people giving me the finger or honk their horn at me because they're in a hurry. They're really not in a hurry, they're just angry. They're angry for having to buy gifts they can't afford to give to people they don't like, while others are angry because the season reminds them that they're alone and has no one during this so-called festive Christmas season.

The other night, in addition to that finger some man gave me last week, this driver behind me honked at me because I didn't feel comfortable running the yellow light. I wanted to stab his eyes with a fork. (This is what Chat says when she's mad at someone.) By the time I got to the parking lot of this restaurant to buy my son in-law a gift card, I was pretty startled and angry. (You see what I mean, and I even like my son in-law.) So in this years round of another hectic month, don't forget to remember: Don't get sucked in with the hype, and don't get trapped with bills you don't need. And keep this in mind, if during the year you have no relationship with the person you're buying the gift for, but you have to buy that person a gift because you have to, (for whatever insane reason that I can't relate to) the safest gift is a bank card --Visa or Mastercard. Trust me, he doesn't need anymore flashlight and she definitely would not wear that frilly top with the words, "Ho Ho Ho is me." Take my advise: plastic works at the grocery store or at the psychiatrist's office.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Still drinking coca cola? Watch this!

That's why we use it to marinate the Christmas ham.

Stages in Life

There are 4 stages in life:

1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus
3. You are Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus.

When I read this, it makes me laugh, but then there's another phase in life that I find very sad. In my pre-teen years, my mother was vital to me: I needed her like I needed air. Then in my teen years, I wished mother would disappear and stop being an embarrassment to me. But a few years down the road, mother and father started to make sense to me, I thought, they know what they're talking about after all. Fast forward to my 20's, and 30's ...I was now occupied with the path I have chosen. Life took me to another city, then to another continent and my parents became just voices over the phone. In my 40's they started dying--mentally and physically. The conversations started to become one way, and before I could put 2 and 2 together, they're all gone. And now in my 50's, I need my mom like I need air. I wish I could pick up the phone and talk to my mother. Or simply listen to her voice. But because I can't, I will try and carve a new path for me...whatever that might be.