Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Not abused but abusive victim

I just got back from a trip to the office of Philippine Immigration. In the taxi on the way back home, the driver was listening to this radio program where people would call in for advice. One caller was talking about her abusive and very controlling boyfriend, where she said right off that their relationship has lasted more than it should because she "understands his being abusive." He will not allow her to have any contacts on her cell phone, he told her to quit Facebook and she has to have his approval every time there's a family affair that she needs to go to. OR....he threatens to leave her. When she does anything that he does not approve, he threatens to leave her.....and....guess what she said: "Everytime he threatens to leave me, I drop on my knees in front of him and beg him not to. I've always done that because I love him."

I arrived at my destination before the host was able to give her counsel, but I know what my counsel would be to her: I would tell her to tie a rope around her neck and jump off the bridge.
There's no hope for her---who does that crap anymore? Kneeling before a man, begging him to not leave you, because you disobeyed him for being on Facebook? I understand the psychological dynamics of an abused victim, but come on now-- on your knees begging an abuser to stay? That's too colonial. Can't she at least think of something more in line with Facebook generation? You know, when I see kids that are so rotten, my impulse is to discipline the parents. And so with this caller, I feel like slapping her across the head, maybe she'll wake up and realize that there's nothing wrong with the boyfriend--it's her head that needs to be examined. What you tolerate, you will continue to get.

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