Wednesday, April 30, 2014

It's not that I don't like people, it's just that I live in my thoughts 99% of the time and I don't like to be bothered trying to be nice or acknowledge someone's presence in my space. This is the main reason why I prefer to be alone most of the time, and by alone, I mean alone in my own home. Which means that living with other people in their home is the ultimate death trap. The ultimate horror story for me.  

Really, the problem is not the people themselves. It's me. It's my anxiety of losing control to do only what I want to do, when and how I want to do it, and not have to explain to anyone why I do what I do. This is an inner conflict that only gets worse as I get older and as much as I wish for this to go away, I am at an age where I don't really care. I have paid my dues in life, I don't have to live my life for anybody.  In my own place, I don't have to try and explain to anyone why I don't pick up any clutter or clean the dishes or get up from my bed.  Or get up from my bed and wear jammies all day long. Or not get up from the bed at all. And no one will have to wonder if some bug has crawled up my ass.


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