The Lawyer

He is 65 years old, she is 19. His skin touching yellow, dragging so slow as he walks and with sunken eyes you would think that he is on his death bed were it not that he is sitting up in his office chair talking loud, peppering his speech with bits and pieces of curse words.
" I used to think Angelina Jolie is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, but not anymore, she fell on the wayside compared to my baby in the Philippines" He was not in the least bit interested in talking about my friends legal case. My friend hired this lawyer to defend him, but anytime my friend asked him legal questions, he would dismiss it with a shrug of the shoulder. All he wanted to talk about was this 19 year old girl that he met when he went to the PI three weeks ago.

When my friend hired this lawyer in November, they got to talking about Filipino women. The lawyer got very interested, did not waste time and got on the plane for the Philippines to meet the 2 women that my friend introduced to him through email. I know both of the women, one is 30 years old the other 24. I had not met this lawyer but only heard about him through my friend so when the 2 women asked me about this lawyer, all I said was " see for yourself and pray about it."

One of them is about to become a whirlwind mail order bride. The women are desperate to come to America, the lawyer is desperate for a wife. He is on a liver transplant waiting list. Whoever he would choose between the 2 will be ok, no hurt feelings, my girlfriends told me. He arrived and they met him. The 30 year old was the one who met him first.
"Eeewww, he is gross, and he is very demanding." First email.
"Everybody laughs at us, he is disgusting, I am too sexy for him." Second email.
I tried to be funny in my response, "can you lower your standard a little bit, your age is about to get out of the calendar range," " No way, I will just stay in the Philippines and be an old maid, or I will go to Saudi Arabia, work as a maid." Last email.

I did not hear from her anymore or from the 24 year old. We waited til the lawyer got back and I went with my friend to see him. My friend went to ask some more questions about his case for the coming trial, and I went with him because I am nosy.
My friend was mostly talking to the secretary and making sure things were noted as they should. It was a good idea because the lawyer was sitting there but I really think he was not all there. " I want to show you pictures of my baby, I am in love!" he blared, turning for affirmation from his secretary, " tell them, have you ever heard me say that I am in love in the 26 years you have worked for me? never, right?" His secretary tried to summon the right words, but could not. "Aahh, yes."

My friend and I never really asked the question, who the girl was, we were waiting for him to tell us but my friend could not stand it anymore, he had to ask because neither one of us knew about this new development and our now obviously rejected 24 and 30 year old friends did not tell us about this either. Maybe they were just glad to get him off the island. Not only was he foul mouth and cocky, he makes you think that his money buys him the license to be.

The secretary handed us a lot of pictures of the lawyer and our 2 friends and some other people they were having meals with. I asked which one is his "baby" and the lawyer or the secretary had a hard time pointing to which one in the group. Finally we got to the solo picture of the 19 year old. " She is pretty," my friend and I chorused. " She is very beautiful and I am in love."
We found out she is a cousin to the 24 year old. I got curious, " how are you going to get her here? It is very hard for her to come here unless you petition her to become your wife."
His answer floored me. " I am not going to marry her, I don't believe in marriage, but I am a multi-millionaire. I will bring her here and send her to language school."

I tried to be funny -"You mean accent school?" He did not like that I have to correct him, or perhaps his sense of humor went down with his liver. "No, I am sending her to language school, so she can speak big words." I don't know when to shut up, so I continued, "Naah, just let her sit in front of the tv, she will learn big words real quick that way" "No, I am sending her to language school, I have money." I knew he would not let me have the last word, so I shut up.

But honestly she really will not need language school. I figured after a week of sitting next to the lawyer watching tv, she would come up with big words or maybe a full sentence like " That's retarded. Stop bossing me or I unplug your oxygen."
And after 6 months, she will move on to learn bigger words and use it in a sentence like, " Yes, your honor, I am the wife and beneficiary. And no, he did not commit suicide."