What's New?

When my girlfriends come to me with their giggly selves talking about a new relationship, I pretty much expect that they're intoxicated. They don't want input, they just want to pour out and I can't get a word in anyway because they're either stone in love and can't discern Monday from Friday, or they're simply stoned and can't see what I see. Their words will start with, "Ohh my!" and it goes insane from there.
"Oh my, he's not good, he's the best. He's not just sensitive, he's the most generous man I've ever met." And telling them to shut up would be like telling romance writers to use less superlatives.

Ok, so I'm cynical, but not really. I'm calling it as it is. You see this often with celebrities where they would announce to the whole world, how in love they are and how marvelous this new person is. Then you count the days or you can be generous and give them a year before they announce to the world again, that they're now dating other people. And the same insane cycle starts again. And this same thing happens to my friends too, except that they're not celebrities, so they can only announce it to me. And I don't tread lightly, I tell them: "Cut the crap and the superlatives, but after 2 years let's revisit your vocabulary. I will bet you my neighbors welfare check that the superlatives will become expletives." With this counsel, they'll roll their glassy eyes, shake their love-drunk head and mumble under their breath...Ooh Ritchie I pity you.

I'm not against finding your Umami,I'm not against falling in love and throwing caution to the wind, but just so you know the difference between "love" and "commitment" because the difference between the two is like heaven and hell. And except for a new loan, we're easily excited about anything new. A new man especially, regardless that we don't know how to operate them.

Of cats and men

Here's my advice to parents who has kids who owns animals: Pretend you're dead or that your allergies will be in the deadly category if you're near any animals. Because if you don't, trust me, you'll end up taking care of them, as if they're your grandkids. Anything in the house that moves and eats and doesn't clean up is not good news.(That is why I'm still single.) Christmas time always lands me a job I don't want....taking care of Chat's cat. She and her husband always spend Christmas with his parents in Colorado and I spend Christmas in Dallas. Alone with the cat.

This cat is male and very demonstrative; as soon as I come in to their house, he backs himself against the wall and gives you that look, like warning you not to come near him. And if you force yourself on him, he'll let you hold him and caress him, but just long enough for you to want more and drive you crazy. (Someone said that if a woman employ this trick on a man she can get a 5 carat diamond) Well, if I've learned anything this year, it is that next Christmas, by all means I will have a man, even if I have to rent him and clean him up, just so I don't appear lonely and make Chat feel compelled to leave me her cat. If I sound like I am complaining, it's probably because...I am.

Why He Didn't Call You....

I went on two dates this year, and it about killed me. It's too much work! The first one used the word marriage in every sentence and how he could see himself marrying me. Duhh, I could see that too. And why not? After all,I'm a very good catch.I wanted to tell him this but I was afraid he would believe me and stalk me until I married him. Not that I am against marriage, but when I asked him to list down his properties and he only listed two --a wheelchair and a handicap equipped van, of course I have an aversion to marriage.

The second one forgot his hearing aid. And God knows I don't have the patience to repeat words to you if you're older than 2. We women like to say that we don't like men staring at our breasts on the first date, (I think it's ok after the first date, or we'd wonder why you don't.) but believe me, I'd prefer that over him focusing on my lips.

If you don't believe me that dating is hard work, then tell me why there are people who make their living advising men and women how to behave during the dating period. Read this.

Marriage...

Someone said that marriage is: When you like what he likes, so you live in the same house so you know where the chips and dip are kept. Sounds good to me.

I went to the library the other day and on my way out, I saw on the shelf a small green book titled Whom Not to Marry. The title got me curious, so without looking inside I added it to my basket. Then I noticed that the author is a priest. Deduct some points right there....what does a priest know about marriage? Here's some of his advice.

1. Never marry a man who has no friends for he won't be capable of the intimacy that marriage demands.
My perspective on it: It's better if he has no friends because then, they don't come and eat all the chips and dip.

2. Never marry a man who sends birthday cards to his ex-girlfriends.
To me this is a good sign because it shows his memory is excellent, which means
he won't forget mine, because trust me, he soon will be my ex too if he continues this card thingy.

3. Never marry a man whom your mother doesn't like.
No problem here. My mother's dead.

4. Never marry a man whom your children doesn't like.
No problem here either. Chat will love anyone who will marry me.

5. Never marry a man who is not honest.
I don't want him to be too honest. If I'm retaining water and bloated, I don't want him saying, "Pee it off, babe"

I don't seek out self-help books on marriage, but based on the few I've seen, it seems unfair that they're mostly to and for women. And I know that men have requirements too. The last date I had, told me that he requires a woman to come with her own medical insurance. When I told him I don't have one, but I have half a million dollars policy on my life(which of course is a lie), it only took him a gulp of his tea and he said, "Then you're fine." I just love an honest man, don't you?

When I Grow Up....

I don't apologize for not knowing what I want. As I have mentioned before, choices depresses me. Having to make a decision depresses me. And having to pick what best quality to look for in a man stomps me. "What are you looking for in a man?" Someone asked me the other day. "Well, to begin with, we have not established that I am looking for a man." I said.

While Karen and I were walking at the beach this morning, my eyes landed on one of the condominium units above the shops by the marina. They're priced starting at 400,000 US dollars. "It's established that I can't afford any of these condominiums." I told Karen. "I would love to own one of these, but the only way I could have them is to marry into them."
When I think of remarrying, varied and conflicting thoughts come to mind. I would like to have someone special but I worry about having to compromise my time, my solitude or my whole being -because that's what marriage is all about. It's a compromise, a commitment; the two becoming one. Yes, the two becoming one.

My battle cry is still the same.....I want the pitter patter. Do you remember how you felt at 17? Or was it 13. That's what I'm looking for. If a man comes along and naturally makes me feel that way again, I will be the one kneeling down and proposing to him. And I won't care even if he's a millionaire.

Slumdog Millionaire

When I tell people how poor I was growing up, they want to know "how poor." Well, when your poor friends call you poor, that is poor. But there's a difference between growing up poor in the farm and growing up poor in the slum. I didn't grow up in the slum, so watching Slumdog this weekend was pretty gruesome to me. Yet, the movie stirred up something in me - something warm and fuzzy.

The story is about 2 orphaned boys; Salim and Jamal. Salim lived for the moment using his head, Jamal lived for the future using his heart. Jamal wasn't as tough as Salim, but he survived the street life because of his determination to live. To live for Latika. Latika became a mistress to a rich and powerful man, so when Jamal finally found her, he asked her to run away with him - she asked him, "What are we going to live on?" "Love" he said. Then she gave him the goo-goo eyes....but she can't run away with him.

Jamal joined "Who wants to be a millionaire" and won 20 million rupees, not because he wanted the money. He wanted to be on tv so Latika will see him. The police almost beat him to a pulp because they thought he cheated. He didn't cheat, he knew the answers - the street taught him the answers. "When someone asks me a question, I tell them the answer" he told the police captain.

I love the movie because it's simply following a basic principle in life: 1. When you find your passion in life (something or someone) fight for it 2. When someone asks you for something and you have it to give, don't withhold it. 3. Never make money the motivating factor to pursue your passion, nor let money stop you from pursuing your passion.

I keep telling Chat that before I die, I am going to do 2 things: Be a vagabond and travel by train (like Paul Theroux) across Asia and find a man I can elope with then get married at sunrise in some remote village in Nepal. I could have eloped already but when I asked this man to elope with me he asked the same question Latika asked -what are we going to live on? I said, "On your income. You have a job, right?" He didn't give me the goo-goo eyes.
Chat said I should not stop dreaming, because more likely that's all it's going to be, a dream. But....Jamal could be right - "It's destiny."

Happy Valentines

I don't do dating service, but last year around this time approaching Valentine's day, eHarmony kept spamming my inbox with free membership for the weekend. I thought, why not? I wanted to see what people do in that environment, so I enrolled. Within 4 hours of my enrollment, I received 5 requests from men to communicate with me, then by midnight of Saturday I had a total of 14. I think because I put Angelina Jolie's picture instead of mine.

I had fun reading their profiles, their likes and dislikes and scrutinizing their pictures. Me, I get straight to the point and only have 3 important questions to ask a man anyway. You answer No, to all of these and we can proceed. 1. Are your parents still alive? 2. Is your ex-wife still alive?. Do you have any living kids? In other words, I can only handle your own drama.

There was one guy with this disclaimer in his profile : "For me to respond to you, I would need to see a picture of you because if you weigh more than me, I would have a problem with that." I thought that was cute. In my profile, I was plain: "I am simply looking for a man who will let me cook dinner for him after I get home from my second job."

Nothing came out of that free weekend because after it expired, you have to pay $29.95 a month. I am desperate but not that desperate. I can't see myself paying more than $9.99 for any man - tax included.

To marry or Not to marry

Today is one of those days where I can’t decide what I should eat for breakfast. It’s a simple dilemma considering that a lot of people don’t even have anything to eat. I finally decided on a piece of slice bread straight from the refrigerator and coffee. I finished reading the last chapter of the book of James and a thought popped in my head, “Will I ever remarry? Or maybe I should rephrase it, “ Would I want to remarry?” After my husband died, I hear so many well intentioned comments like, “ Oh, don’t remarry, why should you look for a headache” Others get maternal, “Oh, you should remarry, maybe not so soon but you should –just so you will have someone and you won’t be lonely.” Or something like, “Why remarry, you have your pension, you don’t need a man.”

Well, since I have nothing better to do today, let us reason together and dissect these statements to see if we can make sense out of them.
1. Marriage = headaches: You know, I had my heart broken (if it really gets broken) so many times and I always end up with the conclusion that whatever does not kill you, strengthens you. Can you really imagine life in this world without heartaches, headaches, and stomachaches? And now that I am older I noticed my knee aches too. Even that I welcome, because I get to appreciate the days that I don’t hear my knees crackle when I exercise. How boring, how lifeless will life be without the occasional pain? How so not exciting. So statement no. 1 will not stop me from remarrying.

2. Marriage = companionship. There’s some truth to this. But I was in a relationship once and I have never felt so alone, so lonely on Christmas. And he was right beside me. There are some marriages that you might as well have a rooster in your yard than a husband in the house. At least this rooster that my neighbor owns, crows even before you deny him three times, flap its’ wings and greets you every morning. (Whether you want him to or not.)
My daughter says "we can buy a husband but we can’t buy companionship." (I have not analyzed this statement but my Christmas gift would be in jeopardy if I don’t quote her, so I thought I’d write it and let you chew on it.)
So… No. This statement will not make me remarry.

3. Money = Man. Now, we’re going to discuss this deeply and in details. Another friend insists that if “you have money, you don’t need a man. You can do anything if you have money.”
I know, I know. Hire a yardman, hire a handyman, or buy a radio and leave it constantly tuned in to Howard Stern or Bobby Nalzaro. That’s the same, right? I don’t think so. Money will not buy you that wide, warm back (assuming he is obese) to curl up in and shield you from the lightning flash in the middle of the night. Money will not buy you that living cell that will bleed if you hit his toes with the vacuum while he is firmly planted in front of the TV. Now, money will buy you a life size dummy that you can position on the passenger side so you can drive on the HOV lane and get to work on time. Also, it will buy you a nice room at The Oriental Bangkok while you cry your eyes out because the plastic dummy just won’t do anymore.

Should I? Or Should I not? I understand the power of money or lack thereof, but I have yet to discover the power to resist the need for a man.