I can not get myself unhinged from Dallas. I am a loner, a  homebody who doesn't require a social life but I have concluded I don't want to adjust to living in a small town. I love the small town of Natchitoches and I am crazy about the river right outside my front door, but I could not get used to the inaccessibility of these fancy high end grocery stores available to me here in Dallas.

Chat says I am too snooty for my own peace. Well, I don't know. After all, she's the one who introduced me to this snooty lifestyle. When I am in Louisiana, I am madly in love with the trees, the woods and the river surrounding us and I can walk in to the only decent grocery store in town to pick up pork skins or cracklins and I feel just right. But at the end of the day, there's that missing piece. Again. Paralysis by analysis. Yes. But hey, I am two steps away from being perfect. Yeah right.

It's raining outside and the river looks calm.

Off to the green market on the other side of the river.

The redneck inspecting the tomatoes, like he doesn't know what it is.

Look what I got? Squash.

I have the attention span of a gnat and the energy level of a turtle on Valium. No people, places or things can tame my restlessness or keep me excited for more than 2 days. Until I had the farm. And this river. For several morning now, I'd wake up and look out to the river right outside my front door and my heart skips a beat. It's the same feeling I have when I am at the farm house in the islands.

I have pictures to upload from my camera but I'm unable to because I am using the rednecks computer because mine just would not connect to the redneck's wifi. Oh well.

Tomorrow is "green market" day and I can't wait to go there. I will post pictures as soon as I can.

My life has become more complicated than ever. It was hard enough deciding where I belong; the Philippines or here in Dallas. And now adding Louisiana to the pot. I love it here in Dallas for the fact that this is where I landed and made a life for Chat and I when things were not working for us in the Philippines 27 years ago. This is where Chat and I had our "first" together of everything that mattered. But then again, that's just me. Set in my ways.

I resist to change violently, then I adopt to it and the cycle begins again....I don't want to change. So in time, I will be at home in Natchitoches with my redneck and them swamp people.

This is the town square. Looks like the inhabitants have evacuated the place to hide from the Japanese invaders. The whole town is dead on Sunday, even restaurants are closed. I don't know how to take this, but I guess, I will adopt soon.

I was in Louisiana over the weekend setting up my apartment and took some time visiting friends. Here I am always telling bull.

And always and forever enamored by plants. We're looking at peppers.

One of these here is my redneck.

The apartment is puny but this is the view right from my living room. And compared to my postage stamp size apartment in Cebu where the only view is my ceiling and the house lizards, I think this is heaven. It looks good in the picture but the color brown and blue just doesn't make me feel quiet feminine. Or cultured.

Oh, in case you're wondering why I got an apartment here in redneck town, it is so I don't have to drive 4 hours to spend time with my redneck and I need an apartment here in the US anyway.

I love my life here in Dallas. Morning is my favorite time of the day and I wake up the same time as I do when I'm in Cebu. And my favorite part of my morning is fixing my caffeine fix. In Cebu I drink instant coffee in packets, here, I brew. And I savor each second as I grind my beans or just simply scooping it out of the bag to put in the coffee maker basket. The aroma before it's even brewed gives me the high. After my first sip  I sit down  for my devotional reading; from one of my many Christian devotional books and then I read a chapter from the Bible.

With my introvert self, America is perfect for me and one of the biggest reason I prefer the US than the Philippines is because of the quiet environment. The crowing of the chickens or the bleating of the goats is only charming upon your arrival at any given "exotic" vacation places, after the 3rd day you either get used to it or get sick of it. I have gotten used to it then I got sick of it. What I could not get sick of is the sight of my cats, though they are strays, I call them "my cats" because they come to me every day for food. I cry every time I think of them. I miss them so much I could not explain the depth of the pain from missing them, nor I expect one to relate to what I just said.

Any good reason why I should not move to Natchitoches, Louisiana? This is the front porch of the apartment I am trying to get on the Cane River. Rent is half of what I was paying here in Dallas and the town is so pretty and historical. Not that I care about the history of anything; even that of a man. I only care about the present state of anything. And right now, this is it.