Why Do I Solo

When I was in Penang, my friend Frank insisted that he paid for everything the first day I was there; I can understand one meal but all day? and even for a transformer that I thought I needed? How weird. I did not feel right with that. I always have a problem with that set up. I hate being entertained and catered to – I can only stand so much of that and I cannot convey this to people without offending them.

In 2006 I was in Kota Kinabalo and my friend drove me around and paid for every meal. She won't even let me pay for coffee. When I wanted to spend time at the public market and at the bird farm, she didn’t think it was “good for me”. What? I was planning to stay there at least a week; I had to leave after 2 days because I felt suffocated with the attention. Am I just too independent that this Asian generosity is rubbing me the wrong way?

I used to drag Jordan wherever I went here in Cebu because he just tags along and don’t ask questions. Now that he’s older, he asks too many questions and tries to dissuade me into thinking his way. That's getting on my eggs, it kills me. I have so many preacher friends who want me to come to their church when I am in town but I avoid them like a plague because they always make a big deal out of my presence – “we have a guest from America.” Why the qualifier? Ok, so I nitpick too much.

I still smile when I recall what my friend Jette said because she said it so matter of fact: “You have so many issues, why can’t you just go with the flow?” I quote Dr. Dobson for my answer: “In matters of style, swim with the flow. In matters of principle stand firm like a rock.”

I guess I am not trying to convince anybody but myself: It’s ok I’m a loner, it’s ok I want solitude 99% of the time, it’s ok that I’m not married. And most of all, it’s ok that I am being a butt. Please agree on the last part.