Life Is Not a Drill (says who)

I am one of those people who live life as though I'm rehearsing for the real thing. Like life is a drill, to live and to enjoy tomorrow or next year, not today. Everyday, I have to pull myself out of the "stinking thinking" mode and tell myself that life is not a drill.

We all have this distorted view of life; we seem to hold off enjoying life until the kids are grown, until we pay off our credit cards, if only I'm married, if only I'm not married ( to this jerk). Until my book is published, I can't....(fill in the blanks). We use all kinds of excuses, and not even know these are excuses, excuses disabling us to not enjoy the present.

The other day at lunch with my writer friends, one of them whose husband died four years ago said something profound. She said, "I have been living my life without Bill, now I need to simply live my life." What she said didn't register right away, only now do I understand what she meant. We need to stop idealizing life, life is what it is. Life is here and now and in order for it to be truly colorful, black days are a must.
I ask myself why it is so hard to enjoy the present, why do we have to be sedated so we can laugh during the black days? I'm not sure of the answer, but here's what I've resolved to do: Starting today, I'm going to proceed and try to enjoy life, even if all I have published so far is my phone number.