Leech or Love?

When Chat is close by, my day is serene and sound. Regardless that I have an unquiet mind her presence is always a stabilizing force for me. I realize how vital she is to me, like air is to breathing but I don't like the feeling I am feeling lately. I feel like I'm losing control of my emotions - like I'm an old woman and needy.

I was talking to a friend the other day and we talked about her mother -the kind of mother I would not want to be. Her mother drains her emotionally by constantly telling her how bad she is because she's not taking care of her. Which of course is not true. My friend struggles between the boundary of trying to do the right thing and trying to preserve herself. We'd like to think that there should be no boundaries or limits to doing the right thing. But there is. There's something to be said about the Asian culture: One thing, we have what we call a closely knitted family, meaning, we stick out for each other even if it's to our own destruction.
So what does sticking out for each other mean?

Here's what it is not:
1. It is not about leaning on and sticking like a leech to the person you claim to love. If you're a parent, your goal should be to equip your kids to fly,to soar and look up to the direction of God. And not make them carry you like a thorn on their side.

2. It is not making the other person be the lone source of your happiness or misery. As parents, we look to our kids as an addition, a gift from God but not necessarily to make us complete. It is God who completes us.

3. It is not about giving or witholding financial help. Giving should be done not to make up for past or present guilt. Nor should help be withheld to punish for past or present mistakes. Because money should not be used as a power or as a tool to lord over people.

My friend is so burdened by her mother, and I think she knows what direction to take, which is to preserve herself. But because of societal ramifications, she's divided. I am not concerned of societal ramifications so I told her what I think she should do- and that is to stay away from anything toxic - and that includes her mother. This is harsh coming from a person with an Asian upbringing, but what good will anyone be to anybody if they're so beaten down?

Oh,talk about beaten down, I think I'm getting close to doing that to Chat because yesterday, she told me to take a long hike. When I asked her how long, she said, "like out of the country long". I took the hint as serious when she told me she's paying for it.