Too Gucci

When Chat asked me the other day which restaurant to have a party for my birthday, I told her, any place will do as long as it's not too "Gucci." A restaurant with table cloths and candles is too gucci for me, a restaurant minus the ketchup or soy sauce and vinegar on the table is also waaay too gucci. I also don't like restaurants with waiters who interrupts my chewing and asks me "how's everything" every 5 seconds. If I need salt or sugar, I'll get up and grab it myself from the diabetic man on the next table, and say "buddy, you'll thank me for these later on." Even at the risk of being mauled by his wife.

So you ask, what do I consider a good restaurant? Well, first it has to have foods--foods that I like and can afford. It has to be quiet and with waiters who will come for the bill only when I lift my arm asking for it. Until then, I want to be left alone. Detective Columbo once said that the best place to talk is at restaurants because no one listens in. He is wrong because the reason I like restaurants to be quiet is so I can listen in on people's conversation. And if it means anything, I'd want a restaurant to be quiet because I really would like to have a meaningful conversation with my eating companion, without having to squint, like my hearing aid needs to be adjusted.

When I am in Cebu, I complain about the loud music in most restaurants there. Because of the loud music, people then have to practically shout in order to be heard. How can you digest your food after being exposed to that stress? Well, as long as I'm complaining, here's another pet peeve of mine and I think only Asians do this -they will pick their teeth with one hand, while the other hand covers it. I don't get it, because a hand over your mouth is enough to make anyone wonder about you, how freaky is it with 2 hands? And if you think letting out gas through your mouth, by burping out loud in front of me is being thankful for good groceries, then I can't convince you that it's ok to smile with that green leaf stuck between your teeth. So, would you rather be accused of being too gucci or too ghetto?