Blinders and Blinded

Someone said that we all have daddy issues and we manifest this by the kind of men we choose. Of course, it is easy to spot this malady on other people, but when it pertains to us, we are blind to it. You know how we'd talk about other womens' men and we say things like: "Omg, what is she smoking? He's so ugly." And we can't or don't see that we are keeping a man who's not only ugly, he's also lazy.

I have this friend whose boyfriend weighs 300 lbs, with blood sugar that is twice that number and who can eat your grocery at 3x that number. With a shoe size the circumferrence of my waist. Imagine that glob of living cells parked on her (or anyone's) couch everyday, because he doesn't have a car and no place to go because he doesn't have a job. And he doesn't have a job, because? "Because he is working on his disability application." My friend says. "What's his disability?" I asked. "He is badly diabetic." ( I wanted to tell her that if one is diabetic, badly is not a necessary adverb. )

Based on what I have seen of my friends, I wonder and even fear at times that I would become like them.....that out of desperation or loneliness, I would just pick any male just to be able to say that "I have a man." Even at 12 years old, I already knew I didn't want a man without a college degree or without a job. I have to know that he is motivated to improve himself. I did not require one to be rich because a person can be 'rich' from inheritance, but I wanted one who has the integrity and the passion to work and be a provider out of his own sweat.

So I have been pondering: At what point in my life when I would become desperate for a man? And what would cause me to be blind and not see that it's better to be single and lonely than to have a bum causing my bed spring to sag, flipping channels on my tv (thank God I don't have one) and eating my anchovies while waiting for the government check to be approved? I need to stop pondering on this question, because right now I could feel my blood alcohol level going up.