It's Here and Now

Don, I miss you. Five years ago today also on a Saturday night of July 26 you left me. You moved in with Jesus. Remember, I always teased you that if you died ahead of me to make sure when you see Jesus to ask Him to leave me here on earth for at least another 5 years.

Well, it’s 5 years today and I am still here. I wonder what God meant in the bible when He said that in heaven there’s no more tears nor sorrow. Does that mean that He only allows the dead to look down from heaven and watch their loved ones only during happy times? I hope you’re not looking down right now, because it always affected you when I was sad or bothered.

When I was sick you would never leave my side and when I was hormonal I could not find you because you would hide in the garage and pray. And when you thought the coast was clear, you would come out and make comments like “Are we having PMS again? I thought we had that 2 weeks ago.” Then I would glare at you - “Well, I feel like having it again this week."

Since you moved in with Jesus, you must have asked Him to guide me here because I learned to do a lot by myself without you. Right after we buried you in Cebu, I came back here in America and I called the bank to tell them that you went and moved in with Jesus but I will continue to pay the loan on your Camry so I can keep it. They said I needed to take on a new loan under my name and I told them I didn’t want to do that so they told me to turn the car back in. John and Chat dropped it off at the dealership, and then they auctioned it and charged the balance to me because as your wife I was liable, they said. The guy on the phone trying to collect the bill was mean to me. You know that was my first time to deal with a bill collector, so I was real afraid and I cried. He asked me where to send the bill, so I gave him your address - your burial plot. I was just thankful that the bill collector was Indian and not Filipino from a call center in Cebu.

I would really like to think that you are able to see me Don, because most of the time I am happy. When I get sad and think of you, I console myself with my knowledge of the truth of the bible…. "You are absent from the body, but present with the Lord". It would be selfish and cruel to ask you to come back. I am trying to live life like what you showed me, “Obey God and leave the consequence to Him”. You taught Chat a lot of things too, but the only thing she remembers is your taste for expensive things. For a while there, before John really got on to her, she was spending John’s money like God was about to ban the US dollars.

Don, you also taught me how to always accentuate the positive and try to live peacefully. And that being goofy is fun, so tomorrow you would have really enjoyed watching me at the rock concert - considering that I have never been to one. Journey with Arnel Pineda will be in town and I wish you would be there with me, but on second thought, it’s ok. Chat will be with me but she said she would disown me if I 'flash' Arnel. You always worried when Chat and I argued so I said, “ Ok, I’ll 'flash' Ross then.” Sorry. I have matured but she hasn't. Until we see you again, watch over us.