Ruslana Kurshonova

Two days ago, Ruslana Kurshonova, the 20 year-old Russian model leapt to her death from her swank New York apartment. The 5'8, size 4 stunner had a full schedule of high profile modelling jobs in New York and Paris, an ex-boyfriend who remains close and a new boyfriend who gushes about her beauty. With all that, one wonders, isn't that enough? There are so many conspiracy theories about her death. Her friends were at odds in their observation of Ruslana; some said that she was very happy with her life. With all the money, the jet-setting life and a booming career, she should be, right?
Others say that she was unhappy with the hectic lifestyle,that she was thrust into the limelight too fast too soon and she was getting insecure that she was not the "new" face anymore. (She was working since she was 15) And because a previous entry on her journal said "I am so lost, will I ever find myself again?" the police have ruled that her death was a suicide.

I understand what Ruslana meant when she wrote this. I have said it myself one time too many. Sometimes, I use these words just because it sounds poetic and less insane sounding or for lack of a better word to describe the inner turmoil and anguish I am feeling. At other times I would say, "I am going through a dark night of the soul", so I'd sound elitist, Broadway-esque depressed person instead of just a boring, poor depressed person.

Most of us have experienced this feeling where we just "want to die to stop the pain". But really, we don't really want to stop breathing and leave this world. And YET others DO mean it literally because the pain is just beyond bearing and they have lost the sense of what's real and what is not.

Maybe in a few days something will surface and new information on the cause of Ruslana's death will be announced. But unless someone pushed her to her death,we will never know the truth of why she died. When someone says that money makes you happy, it only shows that person has not had money or he would know that it doesn't.

As a mother I can't begin to imagine what it must be like for Ruslana's mother travelling from the other side of the world to claim the dead body of her daughter.
I really need to stop here to pray for Ruslana's mother Valentina (namesake of my mother)but I would also like to end this with one of the entries in Ruslana's journal:
Forgive quickly, laugh uncontrollaby and never regret anything that made you smile.

(I don't know why I am writing this, but it stayed on my mind all day so I write)