WHY?

I receive all kinds of emails but mostly to tell me that they connect with what I wrote. Yesterday, an anonymous reader sent me this long email and as I was reading it, I thought - what is this person doing writing down my thoughts? I emailed anonymous back to ask permission if it's ok to print it here. Anonymous, thank you for sharing. I'm not crazy after all.

I've been living but I have not lived.

These past years have been a roller coaster ride. I thought – what the heck...let's do this. It will be great...it will be fun...it will be spectacular. But why do I feel sad and empty? Before that my mantra was – do what you want and be happy. Walk the talk....is that correct? That's what I've been doing the past years. Why am I not happy?

Why do people look at something material and feel the need to get it just because they 'connect' with it? That they see something in it and that it would fill some gaps and make them 'satisfied', 'happy', something that would make them loose sleep over it just because they feel 'connected'? We look at it and feel ecstatic....a few days after I look at it and see an object. Then I ask 'why?'

We listen to something and just suddenly proclaim – that's me! That's me! We pore over all the other songs that sound like them and then after a few rounds we just want to get out of it because we can't take any more of the same. Why?

Why do we read books that take us somewhere we've never been before – or somewhere that it's okay not to be yourself? Why do we dream of scenarios that are not totally different from where we are now and feel that it is for real? Why?

I feel sad because I'm not satisfied with what I have when there are a lot more people who are more talented and resourceful but don't get the break that they need. Why are they happy with what they're doing but I'm not? Why can they take the same thing over and over again.... everyday of their lives and not say 'I don't want this anymore, take me out of here'. Why do I say it everyday?

Why are they still smiling while I'm crying just because I feel that am in between rocks.
Why am I crying when I'm earning my keep while others are struggling to make ends meet? Why?
Why do I feel like running away from everything and just scream 'I want freedom!!!' when am actually free to do whatever I want to do?
Why?Why?
Take me out of this darkness Lord. Let me be free from all these burden. Let me have peace.