Another Worry

Last month, after I was discharged from the hospital, my attending doctor ordered another blood test to be done by my personal physician to make sure my blood count remained normal. I like my personal physician because he's very thorough and detailed, but he's very rigid about me keeping a healthy lifestyle because of my family history of cancer and stroke. Part of his understanding of a healthy lifestyle is that I get a regular invasion into my body. So here's a list of what I am supposed to do "this year, not next year" he said.

1. Colonoscopy - where they insert a flexible tube (twice taller than me) to my colon to check for berries.
2. Pap Smear - where they use a mini-car jack to go into my cave to check for cobwebs.
3. Dexa or bone density test - to make sure I am not getting shorter than 5 feet 3 inches -( the minimum height requirement to get a job in the Philippines.)
4. Mammogram - where they press your breast in between two bookends made of concrete Buddha.

I told him in a sweet way that if he wants to keep me as a patient, he should not be scaring me with all these tests. He also added that if I eat a balance diet and exercise regularly, I would live longer. "And why would I want to live longer?" I asked him. "Dr. Cohen is right, you are funny." That was his answer. He also did not have an answer when I asked him why men only has 2 screenings to worry about ; prostate and colonoscopy, while we women has to have 4.
Actually, we women not only have these 4 to worry about, we also have another worry: when our man starts wanting to buy a fast car. A fast, red car. After they turn 40.