Friend or Foe?

Several years back when I started "seeing" someone, a friend of mine asked me: So, is he divorced? single and never been married and does he have any kids? I told her, he's separated and no kids. Well, short of sitting me down, with one hand on the hip and finger wagging at my face like I'm small, she told me in no uncertain terms: "Ritchie, you need to end that relationship, he's still married. You know better than to stay."

Then her husband died and she started dating - if you can call pursuing men who refused to be pursued as "dating." The 5 men (as of the last count) are all single with no attachments to kids or previous wives -their families want nothing to do with them. But all of these men have an attachment to porn, alcohol and drugs in one form or another and this latest one is also very attached to his parole officer. My friend would run my life if I let her, but God forbid if I tell her how to run hers, and I don't. Until last night.

She has made it clear that she will cut off any relationship with her friends and even families if they start telling her to break off with Tom. I've never hinted anything like that to her, I simply listen and let her vent when she calls or when we meet - not because I want to remain in her phone book, because God knows, all I wanted from day one was for her to have amnesia about me. But last night I finally told her, the man you got is not an addition, he's a deduction. Tom just got out of prison and already doing the same crap before he went to prison and my friend still thinks he's Hugh Jackman.

I told her about my principle when it comes to dating: I'm not looking for rich men (though I can learn how to live with a lot of money)but they must add something to me. Not take away from me. I can be poor on my own - I don't need any man to help me with that. I need a man to lift me up not pull me down, if you can't do that, then let's both stay under the bridge but curl up in your corner and I'll huddle in mine. You push your cart and I'll push mine.

My friend said this wisdom of mine is crap, forgetting that several years back she was on her high horse telling me what to do. Moral of the story? Until you walk in someones Choo's it's better to keep your flap shut.