Meaning?

"People want life to have meaning? Does a flower ask what's the meaning of my life? No, it just blooms. It just is." Joseph Campbell



On my first week here in Cabo, Karen asked me if I would live here, and my answer was, "I could." But the question really is, should I? Then Raoul would constantly ask me: "Are you happy here?" And my answer to that is, "If I know what happy means, I could give you an answer."

I am constantly in search of something, but it's definitely not to seek happiness. When I say I am always looking for the next high, I don't mean "happiness." Happiness is relative and so is suffering. What I am constantly seeking is the capacity to savor the moment, to find meaning at whatever state I'm in. And my state right now is between groggy and hazy because I just got back from a Tequila tasting. Vanilla, Canella, Granada or Tamarindo flavored Tequila? At least in Dallas when I wake up, I only have to choose between the two: "What should I have today; depression or anxiety attack? Choices, choices. It drives me nuts.

Food.....

Yesterday's breakfast.


I can live in one of the units above or the shack on the right.

When I Grow Up....

I don't apologize for not knowing what I want. As I have mentioned before, choices depresses me. Having to make a decision depresses me. And having to pick what best quality to look for in a man stomps me. "What are you looking for in a man?" Someone asked me the other day. "Well, to begin with, we have not established that I am looking for a man." I said.

While Karen and I were walking at the beach this morning, my eyes landed on one of the condominium units above the shops by the marina. They're priced starting at 400,000 US dollars. "It's established that I can't afford any of these condominiums." I told Karen. "I would love to own one of these, but the only way I could have them is to marry into them."
When I think of remarrying, varied and conflicting thoughts come to mind. I would like to have someone special but I worry about having to compromise my time, my solitude or my whole being -because that's what marriage is all about. It's a compromise, a commitment; the two becoming one. Yes, the two becoming one.

My battle cry is still the same.....I want the pitter patter. Do you remember how you felt at 17? Or was it 13. That's what I'm looking for. If a man comes along and naturally makes me feel that way again, I will be the one kneeling down and proposing to him. And I won't care even if he's a millionaire.

More of Los Cabos

Everything is expensive here in Cabo but I go to find holes in the wall places like this one --fish taco for 1 US dollar and you can pile up on the condiments--reason why you don't see the fish underneath.

I don't care for tacos- corn or flour, but this seemed to be the best taco I've ever tasted, made right here fresh and cheap...2.5 lbs for only 2 US dollars.

i went to San Jose another town part of Los Cabos and saw this man cleaning fish for someone who just caught it. I will catch one bigger than this before I leave here, I swear.

Los Cabos

Ok, so I did it. I took the challenge and parasailed yesterday. I can not explain the feeling as the nylon rope slowly uncoiled to send me up in to the sky. But one thing I know, I will not do it again. The view from the top made me think of how far away from home I was and I don't even know where home really is. I was so lonely up there even with my friend Ale trying to coax me and telling me jokes. I only opened my eyes as we were being reeled back in. At the moment, the boat was what I considered my home, so when my foot touched it, I then inhaled. Inhaled the beauty and majesty God has created. Then I finally exhaled.

We learned more steps to the Israeli dancing but what I was most interested was the making of the challah bread.

I don't have rhythm, I don't have a clue to follow any beat but today I didn't have a choice, but learn how to dance the Israel dance. While waiting for the challah to rise which took about 2 hour

The bait for me to come with Karen to her friends house today was because she told me we were going to learn how to make challah bread.

Jackie kneading our first batch.

Took a jog this morning.

I arrived Cabo San Lucas yesterday. This is Karen with her dog Hadasha, they both came to pick me up at the airport. We came straight here at Hacienda Encantada to meet Raoul her husband and some friends.

The place is beautiful, too beautiful in fact. It's hard to digest all at one time, but I have 30 days to take this all in and put my feelings into words. Right now I need to get back to work and do more writing on my book.

Hook Me Up

Chat threw me a lunch party yesterday. I normally don't do anything on my birthday but because I will be gone for a month, Chat said that alone calls for a celebration. "Mom will be out of my hair for a month----yaaay"

I really had fun surrounded by friends and spiced up with Chat's wit and humor. Everyone was trying to give me tips on how to hook a man. Not sure if I want to "hook" one but here's what they told me. When you find a man that you like and you get an opportunity to talk to him, do one of the 3 things.

While looking him straight in the eye: 1. Play with your hair, like twirling a strand. 2. Run your tongue around your lips like you're wetting it. 3. Wink at him like you're giving him the googoo eyes.

One of the 3 when applied correctly, is supposed to guarantee you a hook up. But be careful not to do all 3 at the same time.

Me and the other minnows

Finally, I have my internet working again. This guy named Brad, the local AT&T technician who was working on my ticket, went on a limb to circumvent the system. Not only did he do that, he was so nice to talk to -makes you feel like you are important and that your request is not a bother to him. He's one of the little people in a corporate set up who still takes pride in their work --a trait that has almost become obsolete. And this is easy to understand. When an employer does not show loyalty to their employees, the latter will not bestow that loyalty back to them either. And guess who suffers? The little minnows like me. Well, I don't feel like a minnow today because I have internet....Isn't that sad?

Interruptions in Life

Today is my 5th day without internet, so I am at Mcdonald's using their free Wi-Fi. I have stopped fretting about my internet service or lack thereof. Let's face it, none of these people on the other line cares, regardless that AT&T's opening greeting is "How may I make you a satisfied customer today?" Isn't that a hoot?

Whenever I get into less than desirable and contrary situations, my first reaction is to panic and get angry. I don't want my boat rocked, I don't want anybody shaking my tree or cracking my eggs and I want everybody to be on the same page with me. Is that too much to ask? I have become very Westernized about convenience and efficient living, so going to the library or here at Mcdonald's to access the web is too much deviation from my routine. A comfortable routine of surfing at home.

I am leaving on the 6th to go to Cabo and I will be gone for a month so I am fretting about my internet getting resolved before I leave, but it is what it is. So while I am howling at the moon, I might as well be thankful that I can get up and order pancakes with sausage and eggs, regardless that this daily visits to Mcdonald's is quickly driving me to the poor house. That or the nut house and I don't know which is preferrable.