Fake it til you make it?

For most of my young life, I pretended. I pretended I was not afraid or insecure about my future. When I didn't have 2 pennies to rub together, I acted like I was a trust-fund diva, when my boyfriend dumped me, I told everyone I got tired of his crap so "I retired the sumbitch." I wanted to come out looking like I got it all together. It was a very tiresome job but I didn't want to give up the facade.
Until I found rest in Christ.

Having a personal relationship with Christ relieved me from having to pretend, from having to carry the load of the blame and the torment of guilt. Nursing a grudge and staying pissed at someone keeps your blood circulating, so I didn't want to give up my anger because if I did, nothing's left to keep me going. When you stay in a black hole for so long you'd start to believe that the whole world is black and brightness comes only from a flashlight. But how liberating it is when you can unload your guilt, anger, resentment and fear on the back of someone and leave it there. And have the boldness to ask Him to redeem your past and secure your future. This is what Jesus offers and it is free to anyone and everyone who will accept Him in His own terms.

I sit here reflecting and pondering because of what I have observed last night at my cousins wake. Except for one, all the members of the immediate family lives in a state of make-believe; pretend everything is ok and it will be ok. Fake-it til you make it, is a principle that works only in the bedroom, but in the everyday life, it will catch up with you and kill you.