It is 3pm on a Wednesday and I am sitting here drinking instant coffee. I just left Red Ribbon cake shop where I had brewed coffee and a sponge cake. So why so much coffee? Because I need to stay awake and because I am trying to jog my brain with caffeine---hoping it can remember what day it is. I've stopped taking my crazy meds and I'm just now starting again on it, reason I'm half dead, half drunk. I have a love-hate relationship with Lexapro; I quit it, then I take it back, then I tell myself I don't need it, then find out I need it. And need it bad. I love that Lexapro makes me look like I have it all together--like, I'm a responsible adult and am in control of the situation all the time. Two months ago when I found out that I was cheated on a land deal, about 1200 USD, I barely blinked an eye, I didn't lose sleep over it and just acted like there's more where that dollar came from. Because I was on Lexapro. Without Lexapro? Not a pretty picture. I also sleep so good when I'm on Lexapro. But the downside is, that I lock my jaw and make my TMJ (jaw disorder) worse. And nothing is more retarded than watching a person eat her burger cut up in little pieces, fed tenderly with a fork into a barely open mouth. Ok, now my forehead is on the keyboard. I need to sleep this off but first let me check my calendar and see what day it is today.