Ladies, there's wisdom to this counsel: If you're looking for someone to marry, find one who has been married for a long time and when he gets divorced or widowed make sure you snatch him within the first 3 years. The reason for this is that a man who has been alone for more than 4 years is now used to being alone and will not be so keen on deferring to someone. And more likely has developed some new habits of a person who only answers to himself.

I have been living alone for 9 years and I have to admit that my difficulty in committing to a serious relationship is not because of not being able to handle someone's moods and idiosyncrasies or someone's selfish tendencies. I can handle any of that---as long as he doesn't live with me. The first year after my husband died, I discovered something about myself that I had forgotten while I was married; I found out that I loved being single. I enjoyed just picking up and do whatever I wanted to do without having to defer to a husband. And because I was married to a white man, whenever I travelled with him to Asia and I shopped with him in tow, I was always deprived of a substantial discount because it's erroneously presumed that a white man is moneyed. Another thing I found refreshing was that I could go into dark alleys and out of the way eating places without having to worry about the white man in tow. Because I'm a loner, I savored the "singleness" but my difficulty was because I missed my husband.

Fast forward to now. In my quiet moments I scan the horizon of my imagination and ask myself what I want to do "now". I circle around the area of singleness. I stick my head into the realm of doubleness. No clear choice. Do I want a man? Yes and No. Can I live with someone? I don't know.
But if not now, WHEN? Well, I'm working on it. I finally found someone who has ticked 98% off my list of requirements in a man. He's spontaneous, generous emotionally and financially and he's not lazy. So you want to know what the missing 2% is? I'll tell you later.