I just had a friggin meltdown. I thought my anxiety disorder is under control but it's not. After a week of postponing to go see a dentist, I finally did it today. I've been having this spontaneous discomfort in my gum, not necessarily painful but a pulsating pain which I thought is caused by a hidden cavity. I have a high tolerance to pain and I would tolerate anything just so I don't have to see a doctor. But I wanted to see a dentist before I leave for the US because I don't want to have to deal with this if in case, it gives me trouble once I get there. God knows, the cost to have dental care in the US is a friggin rip off.

My anxiety was building up even while I was still in the taxi. By the time I was done and out of the dental chair, I was a useless walking nut. From the outside, I look ok and is in control of my surroundings, if only you could see the mental and emotional anguish I was going through. But you won't, because this is all in my head. Again, you can't relate to this, unless you have this malady.
It's that overwhelming feeling of losing control, unable to think because it feels like the brain is flooded, or bound in a cling wrap. When this happens, I just want to cry and cry freely. But I can't because I was in the middle of the friggin mall. So I came home and called my new male friend. So I can wail. In his ears. Brilliant move, right? Well, guess what, I'm not trying to impress anybody with anyone other than with myself . What you have is what you get.  "It's ok baby, I will take care of you. This is why I want to bring you home here in the US, so I can look after you. Did you want me to come and get you?" Oh, daang I'm not that crippled. You see, part of me loves this, but part of me says,  you may be a confused nut job, but you're an independent nut job. Oh well. Here I be again.