Some really good things came out of my membership with eHarmony, but ohmylanta, these Nigerians search me out like I'm truffles underground. But I'm way ahead of them now because I know what to look for and how to handle them. After all, this email I got yesterday that screams of Nigerian footprints was my 6th one.

So I emailed him back. I asked him where he was, he told me he was in "LA". Unless, you're in a coma, you know that it means Los Angeles. I said: Wow, Hollywood. No comment. "How long have you lived there in Louisiana?" 6 months he said. "Are you near Monroe, La." He said yes. The bottom feeder  now has entered my trap, but not totally yet. "What is your phone number, I will call you" "Well, let me be the man here and let me be the one to call you."
I was going to tell him I was one State away from him and I want to drive to see him. And then along the way, on the freeway, I stopped by a convenient store and found that my credit card was cancelled, would you wire me some money. I know he wasn't going to run to the next Western Union office and send me the money, but I wanted him to know that I'm ahead of the game. Well, we didn't get to that part because the next email I received was from eHarmony telling me that they have blocked the oxygen thief, bottom feeding scum "for reasons that threatens the integrity of your profile".

I swear that if I see one Nigerian walking down here in this island, I would grab him and march him down to my pastor's house so he can be introduced to Jesus and the cross. Then I will make him like Jesus. I will hang him and make him pay for the sin of his people. And I will only lower him down, after my street kids are done skinning him. Praise the lord.