I have forgotten what it is like to wake up leisurely in the morning and do the comforting ritual of making coffee and savoring every sip of it. For the last 2 months, I have done the most taxing job I have ever done in my whole life---that is, living with other people under the same roof. Yes, it's family...it is Chat's house. But, it just does not fit my loner personality. And yet, I am able to tackle it in spite of my heart racing every minute due to anxiety, because of this 12-pound boxing contender who also lives with us.

Good, bad or indifferent ---life as I know it will never be the same.

In 2007 I had the opportunity to attend the Masters Golf Tournament and one of the stories I read of the Masters history, was about Greg Norman and Nick Faldo in the 1996 competition. In spite of Norman having a 6 stroke lead, Nick Faldo defeated him. When Faldo hugged him after the game, Norman wept and when he was asked if he wept because he lost, he said: "No, I've won and lost so many games in my life, but nobody has hugged me the way Faldo did." And in another interview, Norman said that "Yes, it would have been nice to put on the green jacket, but would it be as succinct as that moment of caring and emotion? That was the most enduring thing that will stay with me for the rest of my life." Hug someone today, you may need it more than the next person.

Chat and I are going to be put in a bad nursing home when Kalya finds out that we posted her drunken image. Who could tell if this is the same beautiful Kalya---she could pass for someone losing his clothes on the street while passed out drunk.

I better show her this too, so she'd see that we're not that wicked after all.

It's not that I don't like people, it's just that I live in my thoughts 99% of the time and I don't like to be bothered trying to be nice or acknowledge someone's presence in my space. This is the main reason why I prefer to be alone most of the time, and by alone, I mean alone in my own home. Which means that living with other people in their home is the ultimate death trap. The ultimate horror story for me.  

Really, the problem is not the people themselves. It's me. It's my anxiety of losing control to do only what I want to do, when and how I want to do it, and not have to explain to anyone why I do what I do. This is an inner conflict that only gets worse as I get older and as much as I wish for this to go away, I am at an age where I don't really care. I have paid my dues in life, I don't have to live my life for anybody.  In my own place, I don't have to try and explain to anyone why I don't pick up any clutter or clean the dishes or get up from my bed.  Or get up from my bed and wear jammies all day long. Or not get up from the bed at all. And no one will have to wonder if some bug has crawled up my ass.

I have lots of pictures to post but my card reader decided to quit at this time when it really matters, but it is what it is. While my life is finally purposeful and busy day to day here, I am just belly aching to get my ticket for the Philippines. I can't wait to get out of my layers of clothes and dress in summer shorts and tank tops---although Canadians are doing that now, I am still frozen to my buns.

I am ecstatic  with what the Lord Jesus has blessed us with in this new life He gave us, but this is not my life--- this is Chats journey. I am just the spectator and assistant to her journey.  Where I live or what I do will have some significance to the daily life of Kalya but it's not what matters from now on.
While Kalya has the greatest mom and dad I have ever met, she has the ultimate Creator and Protector there is. We could not love her more than father God does with her.  Every day she is in my arms I tell her that she is perfect not because she is physically perfect, but because God made her and loves her and that her hope is not in knowing that God loves her, but that the same God who loves her is able to protect her.

Today my grand turns 7. Seven days that is. Kalya is perfect not because she's mine but because God gave her to us even at this late stage in life. Seven nights ago, while Chat was in the hospital laboring for Kalya, I sat here at the house in pins and needles; wondering how things will turn out, how and who  Kalya would look like. How will Chat be at the pain? While Chat read everything about natural birthing and prepared herself by every means possible---attending Bradley classes, hiring a dola to consult along the way and joined forums, God had His way on how He wanted Kalya to arrive in this world. She was harvested by C-section and here she is in all her Chat-like approach to life....phooey on ya'll.

 

I have no addiction to sweets or anything of that kind. I can't even say I am addicted to coffee considering that I like coffee every morning or whenever I eat anything sweet. But I have a deep aversion to living with people for more than 2 days. You can call it obsession, call it whatever, it is what it is.

At 21 years old I was already a control freak; I wanted so bad to live on my own so I can control my surrounding. I was then working for an oil and gas company where I was in charge of clearing  drilling supplies that arrives every week. One day I asked my bosses if I can have the wooden packing crates to build a tiny house. "Of course, why not?" They said. One even offered to buy the nails and the tin roof. After 6 months, I had my own tiny house built next to my first ancestral home. Then my job moved me to Manila with them where  I had to share a room with the other staff. There, I knew that I would not survive in that environment, so I moved to another place where I rented a room practically about the size of a 4x4 box---but I was by myself.

So now am here in Canada waiting for my grand to arrive and I live with about the whole barrio; the almost resident in-law, the ex wife who can't just drop off or pick up the kids from outside the door, and of course what else? the step kids! I don't hate kids. As long as I only have to say hi and bye to them....an hour with them would be too much. Did I tell you already why I prefer cats?  Oh, I know.

After 2 weeks here in Calgary, I can offer my comparative observation of the place and its people compared to Plano/Richardson, Texas where I live.

1. Very few luxury cars
2. If a building is more than 3 stories, it's either a hotel or a hospital.
3. Whites are equaled by Asians and Russians.
4. Everything is expensive and if you find something cheap it's probably a grocery item that's within a week of expiring.
5. Canadians are nicer and are less in a hurry. 6. Canadians are thinner than their southern neighbors called the Americans.

Would I live here? I doubt it.

At 6 years old Chat travelled from Cebu to Manila by herself. At 10 she flew to the US alone to join me. Chat did not get to be an executive assistant at 20 years old and she did not get to run companies and make 6 figure income because I "babied" her or let her do her own thing while growing up. She learned hard work by watching me and excelled in the male dominated semi-conductor industry. So NO--I don't buy your way of "oh, she's just a kid." Work does not kill you, sitting on your bum does.

I watch Chat now with a belly weight that looks like  my total weight and yet she moves around like a Mexican laborer. I am so proud of her and more so because she's one of those people I admire: One who can walk away from money in exchange for something more valuable. I've always said that she has more maternal tendencies than me. I wonder if she learned that along the way while she was raising me.