Is it gray or is it dark?

Always, the holiday season brings me down on my knees. It disables me emotionally and I don't hide it, at least not too well. Yesterday, when I asked the AT&T technician when my internet connection will be back, he said. "We're trying to do our best, but what I suggest, is that you forget about it for now and busy yourself with Christmas shopping because I can't tell you when your internet will be fixed." I told him, what makes you think I shop for Christmas, or that I have people I want to shop for?

Even though I have lots of friends, I am a good example of those people who have become more isolated because of social networking now made less social by the internet and the cell phones. I reach out and touch the mouse before I do to friends. When my internet is useless on any given day, I go into a murderous frenzy as if I'm demon possessed, and when it goes down during this time of the year, I don't have the energy for any frenzy; I simply want to down a handful of Xanax then hide in my cave and come back out in March. But hiding is no fun if no one's going to look for you. Well, I know what I'm hiding from.... what I don't know is, what I'm searching for.