Choices. Or lack of it. Life is full of choices but really, you can narrow it down to two; the right or wrong choice. Should I eat oatmeal which could help flush out my gut of gunk and makes me"regular" (I hate that word) or bacon, sausage and eggs that needs to be roto-rotered from my heart lining? Should I kill this fool or just  sell him to the Egyptians?

I hate choices. I also hate not having a choice. I have moved to another area of town-- a not so prestigious zip code which Chat calls " a town for commoners". There's one white people national chain grocery store within a 10 mile radius, with choices that are catered to the demographics of the area which is mostly Mexicans and Asians. One redeeming factor of this change of address is that I pay a 3rd of what I normally pay for rent and I am about a stone's throw away from all the Asian restaurants. Life is an adventure alright.

 For the first time in 10 years since my husband died I made Christmas lunch here in Dallas and I really enjoyed it.
I made a typical American meal because this is what I was ordered to do.

Redneck bought ham, when I would have preferred to do the crispy fried pork. Oh well.

I could not be more blessed to be studying at the feet of my present Jewish messianic rabbi, Dr. Jeff Seif. It is always exhilarating to study the word of God and Jesus from a Jewish perspective  with him "snooping" around the scriptures as he likes to call it because he's also a police detective.

When redneck is in town he's  with the praise and worship at the synagogue.

Two things a single woman can always use: A cleavage and a plumber.  Too gross? Oh, grow up!

During the last US presidential election, I heard some people and some of my friends saying that they would leave the country if Obama gets reelected. I also started to pack my bags, until I remembered this verse: "Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves."( Romans 13: 1-2. ) Nevertheless, it is requisite that we have to read and understand every verse in the bible contextually. So it follows that when  the governing authority breaks the known law of God, then the "follower" or the believing Christian should choose to follow God.

When God told Noah to build a boat because "the end of all flesh has come before me" and He will destroy the earth and start anew, it was not because God was surprised of the 'sins' the people were doing. God knew the people would sin and that they would enjoy their sin, but what made God took His hands off from the people and leave them to their own depravity was when "although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them." (Romans 1:32) We've heard it said: "love the sinner and hate the sin" this is a good principle to discern; don't throw the baby with the bath water.

I am not worried about who sits in the white house or who will be the next Texas governor, that will not make me pack my bags, but my bags are packed because this country is on a downward spiral; we are now also loving the sin and making it into law to punish those who preach biblical truths because it's a "hate crime". The day Texas loses its grip on the truth and starts forgetting the supreme Lawgiver and Judge, you bet I will be on the first boat out. "For the Lord is our Judge, the Lord is our lawgiver, the Lord is our King; He will save us." (Isa:33:22)

I love Christmas. I love the smell of Christmas at the stores and the hysteria that comes with decorating and buying-- by other people. But for myself? I do nothing. I don't decorate or buy, I quit all that the day Chat left home as an adult 18 year old.

Regardless of how Christmas started; pagan or Christian celebration, there's something about it that energizes people. It's not the food, because we do that at Thanksgiving and the rest of the year. So, is it the gift buying and giving? And the drama that comes with it? Thanksgiving has less or no drama involved because very few people would refuse an invitation to see a fat turkey laid in the middle of the table waiting to be commented on. "Oh, how did you do that, it's perfectly moist and tasty."  Or, I don't know but that turkey is about as tough as a Michelin tire.

I am a practical person; I do the least of anything. I don't accessorize my clothes and if I like one particular clothing, I wear it til it shatters to dust. When I was working in the corporate world and they wanted us to "dress for Halloween" I rebelled and threatened to quit, when Christmas "exchange gifts" was suggested, I protested saying I should not be made to shop for the other person. "Why don't you buy what you want for yourself, and I'll buy what I want for myself."  In simple terms, you can describe me as very simple.

I just got back home from a wild driving adventure to Canada. The redneck and I had to deliver a car to Canada and when we got to Colorado the weather turned nasty on us. The arctic front hit several States almost disabling Texas while I myself nearly got incapacitated from fear in between Wyoming and Montana. I don't even drive in the rain, and here's a glimpse of the roads I had to go through. Entering Wyoming.

Rolling hills in Montana.

I woke up to see this below from my hotel room in Colorado. I thought it's beautiful.

But by the time I got to Canada, I had enough of snow, white mountains and frozen lakes. See the boat dock? That's the lake covered in ice.

Since I am reverting to my childhood and going through the phase (whatever that is) Chat told me to  go through her closet and get all the leather jacket I want. If it fits, it's yours she said. You bet, I got all these! Too bad it didn't come with a Harley.

There's a threat of sleet and ice today, so it means that because Texans are not used to it, I should not be out. Well, that's when I like to go out; when I am told not to. When I was in Cebu walking in the heat and fumes of pollution, all I dreamed was being in the cold back in the US. So the cold is here. And I miss the heat. And the ocean. And my farm. And I wish I know what I want in life.

I have not arrived, but I have reached quite a distance from where I was. I am a control freak; I want things to go my way, I want people to act how I want them to act when I want them to act. But I have learned that in being so, it also means that people are entitled to control or change me. And that's where it grinds my gear.

Jesus didn't try to control the behavior of his family or that of other people, and he didn't let their behavior control his either. If there was one big judgmental person in the planet, I would be number 1 on the list. Then I realized that I am no better than anyone. What does being "judgmental" mean? It's ok to observe and point out the other person's action that bothers you, but when you start ranting about it and always pointing the negative about the other person, you become that person you're talking about--if not worse. And you then starts to grind my gear. Hard. Jesus didn't demand that people agree with him, he didn't hold a grudge because they talk bad about him. He knew who he is. And that's the question: Do you know who you are?

When I am in Cebu, I teach 1 Friday a month to the Young Adults in our church. They're mostly young professionals and single. We discuss the bible and how we should live our life using Jesus as the model. I am so proud of this group, and look what they've come up with. Lanterns!!!! for the typhoon survivors. They've already distributed a 1000 of these. To my friends who have donated on gofundme, you are now a part of it!

I ask that if you feel led to help me help the typhoon survivors, here's my page on gofundme.com http://www.gofundme.com/Rebuildinghaiyansurvivors

In 2 days and 3 people we have raised 350 usd for our go and rebuild typhoon survivors campaign. Then this morning I looked at the page http://www.gofundme.com/5d3j8s and all my pictures were deleted by the gofundme.com team, telling me that the pictures were gore and graphic. Body bags and homeless people were "unsuitable" according to this moron. I emailed her back asking her if she even read what this fund raising is all about. Imbeciles. Of course, I was seething with venom looking at the page minus all the pictures.

Anyway, in the local news. Finally some relief : The tech team arrives to fix the computer glitch in the Obamacare program.

It's ok to believe in them but don't be satisfied with angels. And don't be content with the stars in the sky. Mediocrity is so before Apple. But Don't stop at Steve Jobs. Pole vault to the Creator of Steve Jobs. His name is Y'shua, the Hebrew name His mother would've have used to call Him. We all believe in Him.... the question is, do we believe Him?

Two days ago I was a few dollars close to being broke. Today, I finally gave away my last $$. I was afraid to keep it, for how can God replace what you still have?

The redneck got laid off from his job the other day and when he called to tell me about it, I felt like a thorn was pulled out of my side.  I was excited, while he felt a bit shaken. My dream of becoming a professional hobo is starting to become a reality. "Now you can really hobo with me." "When do we start?" was his quick response. When you can afford to buy something like this.

Karen, the owner of this trailer did some remodeling to it. Here, look at her blog. http://traveltrailerrenovaton.blogspot.com/2013/06/remodeling-travel-trailer.html

I made a decision the other day to stop looking at pictures and reading the news about the tragedy in the Philippines, but I am sharing this in the hope that we all learn from this  and quoting Anderson Cooper : "Philippines, Thank you for showing us how to live."


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2501471/Philippines-Typhoon-Haiyan-Bodies-piled-streets-makeshift-mortuaries-overrun.html

I understand when I see people struggle with getting out of a bad past, but here's the truth: Our parents may have given us the genes, but God gives us the grace. His grace is sufficient for each day. Whatever it is you're struggling, the first step to take is to forgive; forgive yourself, then get up and move on regardless how slow and how many falls you have to encounter along the way.  It's good to have a view of the destination, but it's not as important as the steps you take each day. Life's ultimate destination is for our soul to be secured. Jesus has provided for that already; He died that we may live eternally. With Him. So start right now---forgive yourself, then forgive those who have wronged you. Then ask yourself this vital question: Have you accepted the forgiveness that God has provided for you, through His son Jesus. If you are to live, forgive and live forgiven.

"Aircraft carrier USS George Washington arrives and goes to a position just off the eastern coast of Samar to assess Yolanda-inflicted damage and provide logistical and emergency support including medical and water supplies." ABS/CBN Leo Lastimosa reports.

My heart swells with pride of my US boys.

Chat is my  financial supporter for all the ministry work that I am doing in Cebu. All through the years, I could count on her to come through for whatever it is I needed to do; be it for the street boys,  for the community or for my family. Last night she called and talked to her biological father in the Philippines whom she doesn't have a close relationship because she doesn't really know him. She doesn't hate him or have any ill-feelings towards him, and if she hated him, you could not have blamed her.  She feels the same kind of  feeling for an acquaintance, although she had sent him gifts and money through the years. After they hung up, she kind of paused and typed something on her laptop. " I want to send him some money." She said it without looking at me. Silently, I was so glad but wanted it to be totally her idea, so I didn't say anything. In my head I was thinking a few hundred dollars? I hope she would do it. She picked up the phone again and I heard her gave him the amount in pesos. That's what she was doing on her laptop converting dollars to pesos! I thought she made a mistake. I'm used to converting dollars to pesos so I knew right away how much that was in US dollars. "You are giving that much?" I was stunned. "Yes, his sugar cane farm is not producing as expected so his workers are hungry. He can pay off some of his loans and feed his workers."

My heart swells with pride. And she's mine.

Someone said, "if you can dream it, you can make it happen." I'm kicking around some ideas on what to do to help the typhoon victims in my native island and I came up with something that is mighty lofty.....but it's something to pray about. I plan to bring a team of workers to Tacloban, 10 months from now. Here's the logistics.

 I. ADOPT A FAMILY

1. Each team member to pay for his round trip fare. ( $1300-1500? )

2. Each team member  to have another $1000 to adopt a displaced family and build them a home from local/native materials. We call this the 1st priority family; small children and or sick parents living with them.

3. Every person from the recipient family who can work is required to contribute manual help because  this is proven to make the recipient care for the donation and build pride and integrity in the process.

4. Each team member to bring a tent for him/her to live in during the period of construction. 7 days of working and 2 days to rest then fly back to the US. We will all live in the site.

5. Out of the 1k, $100 is designated to build a community toilet/bath for the team to use and will be turned over to the community once the team leaves. (If the team consists of 10 --we will have 1k for this project. $100x10 )

6. The tents we use will be left and given to the next group of families who will use it while waiting to build their own home. This will be for families without small children; 2nd priority families. (Selection process will be by raffles.)

7. The day before the team leaves, I would like to ask donations from a spa or salon owner in Cebu to donate free massage and pedicure to the team members. Of course, this cost is nothing to a team member, (what is 5 dollars?) but this will make the donor masseuse or pedicurist to feel that she's being a part of something humanitarian. This idea can expand to a restaurant owner or a home to invite the team for a native meal or a native snack.

II. SPONSOR  a team member OR GO YOURSELF

1. For Christmas, ask your friends or family that instead of buying gifts for each other, pool all your money together and make you a sponsor or send you halfway across the world to build someone a home.  And you'll be surprised to see how much junk your closet or  garage will be spared this Christmas. And save you from eating that summer sausage (saved 2 summers ago) from your hateful relative.

Again, I say that this is a lofty goal, but I am confident that if God orders it, He will deliver it. (Contributions will be tax deductible from the US through Christian Shore or Way Cool Angels ministry)

I am overwhelmed with the information regarding the calamity that just hit my native island in the Philippines. I don't want to read any more news so I thought I'd bury my head in the sand and pretend all is well. What do I do? Where do I begin? Here's a tip from Dr. Stef de la Cruz.

1. Don’t say people in the Visayas region deserve it. It is not your place to judge whether or not a community deserves a projected death toll of 10,000, including innocent children. That is, unless you think you can read God’s mind.
2. Don’t keep posting food photos. People in areas hit by Typhoon Haiyan are actually desperate for water and food. It’s not that posting yummy photos of food is illegal; it just might get your teeth kicked in by your Facebook friends, especially those whose relatives are still missing.
3. Don’t say, “The survivors should be thankful.” It’s like telling a mother who lost her son, “At least you still have two other children” or something equally insensitive.
4. Don’t say, “The Philippines deserves the privilege of experiencing a strong typhoon because they’re a strong nation.” How would you feel if someone said, “Your family deserves the privilege of experiencing tragedy because you are a strong bunch”? Yeah, I thought so.
5. Don’t say, “It’s okay, the Philippines will be fine.” Filipinos are resilient. But shrugging off the devastation like it’s just a mosquito bite is tantamount to undermining the loss of life and property.
6. Don’t brag about your expensive brand new gadget. Congratulations; you have a new toy – but celebrating your wealth during a calamity makes you look like a jerk.
7. Don’t say you have nothing to donate. Yes, you do. You have at least one piece of clothing you haven’t worn in a year. You have spare change for at least one bottle of water. After all, you have the budget for an Internet-ready gadget.
8. Don’t stop at giving to charity. Did making a donation make you feel better? Good for you! But charity isn’t for your sake; it’s for the sake of people who need it. Charity comes with a measure of responsibility. Make sure your donation actually makes it to the typhoon-ravaged areas – that is, if you genuinely care.
9. Don’t keep posting selfies. Your friends know you’re pretty. Even your friend’s cousin’s best friend’s driver knows you’re pretty. But your face shouldn’t hog the limelight while worried relatives post pictures of the family members they can’t contact up to now.
10. Lastly, don’t miss out on the chance to do something useful with your social networks. Get your friends to donate – and ask them to do so responsibly. Spread the word about the tragedy in the Philippines. Let your Twitter profile be a beacon of hope. Join the campaign to ask Philippine TV to cover the tragedy instead of just airing variety shows.

Do something helpful. Don’t think you’re “just one person.” You – yes, you – can make a difference. Help the Philippines now.

Calm after the storm. The redneck and I were in prayer over the phone throughout the day and late into the night last night and I dread waking up to check on the result of the ferocious "super typhoon".  I was not afraid because I have surrendered everything to God's sovereignty, but I was concerned about the flash flooding. But God is finitely good!!! Look at my baby surveying the dry ground.

Because the power was down, he's having dinner by candle light.

My papayas were the only fatalities.

 Here I am waking up just suddenly realizing that in a few months I will be without a vehicle of my own. I started to panic and  thinking: How can I live in the US without a car? Am going to have to go back and live in my farm in the island. And the more I panicked when I thought about looking for a job and going on job interviews if I have to remain in the US. But I am forgetting the big picture, which is, that God has always provided for me all through the years. So I stopped thinking about myself and acknowledge how selfish that was of me, when my family in Cebu are panicking about a super typhoon that is about to hit them.

When a person lives in a society composed of people with  affluent means, one tends to think that he or she is also entitled to this affluence and when the entitlement is not afforded to him, some sense of  self loathing or self pity comes in. And this is not just a Western society's disease, this is a human heart disease. Living in Cebu, I saw how a poor family living in a 4x4 cardboard box coveted the other persons 6 x 6 cardboard box of a home. The medical term for this heart disease is called greed, and we all have them--- even the street kids that I worked with. None of them has a permanent cardboard box to call home; they all either sleep on the pavement of a building or under a bridge, but watch them fight over a nice shirt, a pair of sunglasses or a baseball cap. Each one of them thinks he deserves it more than the other boy. So yes, greed has no social class.

Oh how I miss my boys.

Am homesick for Canada so I went through the pictures I took last year when I was there.  Looking at the snow capped mountain, I am about ready to hit the road and freeze my buns off in the land of the maple tree.  The redneck and I are preparing for a road trip in a month or so. Canada my new home?

We've heard it said: Behind every man's success or failure is a woman. And we see it everyday unfolding right before our eyes. That muscular organ underneath our left chest only weighs about 11 ounces, and yet, it is the most uncontrollable thing in our body once it starts to beat for another person; be it hate or love.

A friend of mine falls for the wrong woman; he won't admit it, but early in the game I know he got swooped into the vortex of the affairs of the heart; confusing love with lust, the constant aloneness in an empty home now suddenly decorated with the presence of a young, vivacious girl who made him believe (again) that he is alive and needed after all. Of course, we all crave attention and we badly need affirmation, so I understand all this insanity that is going on right now in his life. All his friends can see it---he is being used for his money. And I am guilty because I once gave him my permission and told him that if he can live with that knowledge, then ignore all of "us" his friends and go for it. But it's hard to watch from the sideline how he is like a dumb lamb being led to slaughter.

All his friends rally around to attend and affirm him, but seems like attention and affirmation is not enough after all; the heart is still discontented even though it's situated right below the head and way above the groin. So I come to conclude that there's no explanation good enough to articulate why the head can't overrule the heart, except, that God did not allow enough blood for both the head and that thing between our legs to function at the same time.

I am about to crawl out of my skin from boredom. It's 10 a.m. Friday morning and I can't make up my mind on what to do; should I get in the truck and head out to see the redneck, call a friend and have lunch or go back to bed and feast on more Netflix.

I don't ever tell the redneck about when or what time I am coming to see him because I don't want to hear about his disappointment or frustration when I change my mind and turn around, half way there. He keeps telling me that he loves me  "for all that you are, you're crazy as a bug with a mood that can swing on a dime, but my goodness, you can get so frustrating at times."  Oh hell. I guess I live my life frustrating people and boring myself to death.

Chat gets back and detoxing is over.

Today is my 4th day of detoxing. I will try to finish the week without meat at all. Now, don't get me wrong about this detoxing idea---I am not living on juice alone, like how a real detox plan are normally done. I was and always a bread eater and I can go through the whole week without a full meal as long as I have bread. So maybe, I cheated a little.

Chat told me that if she catch me doing another selfie, she'd shoot herself. Well, this time I told her "I'm just trying to  "get the Anna Wintour hard look" (which by the way fascinates me)  she says: No, mom, you need to get a real job.  How rude.

I need to detox. Badly. But living with Chat, that's impossible to do. She's travelling all week this week so I'm doing my own version of detox. Soup and juices, no meat. But I have to flavor my soup with either, pork/chicken/beef or it would be too radical for me to even try without. Here's Kimchi soup.

I have been wanting some deer meat because I've tried it once when a friend had it in her house. I mentioned to a friend in Louisiana and here it is. Tenderized steak and sausages. The steak tasted gamey but I just marinated it for 10 minutes with garlic and soy sauce----all is cool then.

Plan and Passion. Two of the key ingredients if one is to succeed in any one chosen endeavor. Whether you include God or not in your equation, I am under the persuasion that He is involved, because I am strongly convinced that when something happens, good or bad, it is either because God caused it or allowed it.

If you remain steadfast and focused in the path that you have chosen, it is because there is passion. Passion is the engine that drives everything and gets one through the bumps and hurdles along the way to the finish line. God gave all of us passion---the only problem is, not all of us taps into that power.  And if we do, we use it the wrong way.

Do you know why people get obsessed and worship celebrities, pastors, priests, husband or wife or even our chosen pets? Because God placed in us a built-in desire to worship and follow---- so we will worship Him. But we have misplaced our worship, therefore our life is misplaced and out of focus. So let's go back to the heart of worship. Sorry, I woke up feeling like this.

I understand the moral imperative of the Affordable Health Care act aka the Obamacare. (although I don't want to use the word "obamacare" because I think it's an oxymoron). But regardless of your political leaning; liberal, democrat, republican or just like me non-thinker, (because I get a headache when I think) you can't avoid  math. No one is exempt from Math.

So let's do the math. And I'm doing this for me also to help me simplify it in my head. On January 1 2014, all insurance companies, by law, will have to accept everybody. And everybody means: a 500 lb, diabetic, 3 heart attacks person will pay the same premium as the one who is very healthy, whose only doctors visit is to get a prescription for her acne once every 3 years. So that's good, right? But insurance companies are not  soup kitchen  owned by mother Teresa.... If they are to continue doing business and make a profit, guess what? Increased premiums to cover the " very sick". "My employer will pay the high premiums" so you say. Guess what again. Your employer will now have to cut back on raises, or cut back on people in order to operate profitably. And in the process you may lose your job. Everyone pays! Unless  you are in the 46% who does not pay taxes in this country, a welfare recipient sitting on your buns waiting for your government hand outs.  Here's Math simplified to simple arithmetic: I and the rest of my working friends are paying for you.

I was reading an article about the book by Dr. Brizendine titled, The Male Brain. The author was asked why some men may be built to cheat. Here's her response:

In humans they have identified, so far, about 17 different lengths of [the vasopressin receptor gene]. There are several studies that have shown that those males with the longer version are more likely to be married, and their wives are more likely to say they have a happy, successful marriage and there hasn't been any infidelity. The ones with the shorter ones are more likely to be bachelors.

So it's safe for me to admonish women and say that the only part of the male anatomy we should be measuring is the length of his vasopressin receptor gene. And the size of his ego.

If you want to Read more: http://content.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1976274,00.html#ixzz2hK7qDHIc

It's a fact that 50% of marriages end in divorce, so why are single men/women rushing to become a casualty? If you're in the holding pattern of singlehood, enjoy that period of freedom and personal empowerment; don't hurry to become bound. Or enslaved. I had a good 10 years of singlehood and I still have fond memories of it, but as I get older, I am beginning to feel the need to have someone to call my own. Someone to be my shock absorber, someone to scream at or cry on, or laugh with. And most of all, someone I can count on to be there 24/7 when I need him and someone I know in my bones not only loves me, but likes me as well.  I am not ready to share the bathroom or the chips and dips 24/7, 365 yet, and I don't use the word "love" loosely on him yet----but I know I like my redneck.

Last night when I was talking to him on the phone I asked him to sing to me so I can sleep. I was joking of course, but he started singing anyway....seriously.  I knew then he was willing to subject himself to be my fool and laugh at himself too.  When I woke up this morning and saw gray hairs on my mustache, it didn't take me long to reconsider---I may just have to be ready pretty quickly to share the chips and dips with him and take a chance on becoming a casualty.

I want to be infatuated again, but this Lexapro won't let me. Do you remember that word of our youth, "infatuation"? You know, that distracting state when we can't work, eat or sleep because we're obsessed with a boy? I read that infatuation is like a narcotic drug and has the same measurable effect on the brain as that of being addicted to cocaine.  The brain is in an obsessed state and it will do whatever it takes to get to the source of that obsession.....the opiate of cocaine or a lover. But my brain is in a stable and quiet place, it's not looking for an opiate. It is lazy. So what to do?

I had a conversation with an acquaintance the other day and it went like this.

Him: Hey, I'm curious. I heard that an 18 year old Filipino girl doesn't have a problem marrying a 70 year old American man.

Me:  Correct. In fact, I know a few.
Him: Why is that?
Me :  Because we like white people and green bucks.
Him: And the girl doesn't feel awkward with that arrangement?
Me : No, because she's practical and she's used to it. That's almost the norm back in the Philippines; young girls being kept by old, rich Chinese businessmen or old, corrupt politician.
Him: Really? So how did you get here?
Me: When you see a Filipino woman, most likely she got here because she's a nurse or as a mail-order wife. I am not a nurse.
Him: Wow, maybe I can go there and get me my 18 year old. (chuckle)
Me: Well, if you're not on the FBI's child molester list, you just might be able to.

This is my observation and experience, so if a Filipino reading this is offended or disagree with me, I'd say you must have lived away from that country and sheltered enough to be oblivious to the shimmering reality.

The other day another girlfriend asks me: How do you get a good man? The answer to that is very simple---don't get a bad one. Seriously, I would not get into a relationship that I could not sustain. What I mean by that is, when I first meet a prospective boyfriend I always look for the basic traits that's vital for me to even go further than the first date. And you will know this right off even without probing too deep into his life. How do you do this? You don't talk----you let him talk and you listen carefully.

But how do you make a man talk, especially after he's been burned so many times? I ask questions. He doesn't like my questions or doesn't like me asking questions at all? Then I can't sustain this relationship----the game is over because I am the type who will ask questions, many questions and very personal questions. What is his relationship with his mother, his ex-wife if he has one, his kids, and most of all, who is God to him? And trust me, his answer to this questions will give you your answer as to how he would treat you and money down the line without directly asking him about money and how he uses it. It is a lie when people say money is not an issue when it comes to meaningful relationships. Sooner or later money will pop it's camouflaged head in your pre-marital or marital jungle and you stagger out of there saying: He's become so selfish. Nobody becomes, he already was, but you missed it. And how did you miss it? By not asking questions. Because you were afraid to lose him, so you lost yourself. And when you lose yourself, you lost everything.

Chat needs to have her own baby so she can divert her attention from me. "oh my god, you're doing a selfie? I make fun of people on Facebook with their  selfie". Was her reaction when she saw me busy posing for myself. "I am busy running a company and here you are, busy doing a selfie." Well, what else is there to do? I make the redneck pose for a selfie too and he doesn't get annoyed. Until after the 100th time and he'd say in a tone edging towards disgust: "Baby, stop that already. Go find something else to do." OK, but do this one like you're Jason Statham.

And I am Kate Blanchett. Omg, I need to double my meds.

I have been considering buying a Keurig coffee maker since it came out, but I always ask myself: What for? I love the ritual of making coffee, but sometimes it's too much work. Too much work!!!What have I become.

In the early 70's when all these household gadgets started appearing in American homes, people were skeptical but excitedly anticipated for the novelty and the break it promised to housewives from the unending housework. "So you can have more time to spend with your loved ones." At least that's what they thought, or that was the plan. Yet, look at us now. Women used to meet at the river or at the well to do their laundry and had strong bonds with other women. And still had time to grow a vegetable garden and cook organic meals. Now? Well, you know where I'm going with this. I don't even have time to sit here and develop my thoughts more thoroughly. Why? because Netflix is calling me and I still have to check in with Facebook. I haven't even answered my emails and texts. And oh, I I need to call or email Apple to tell them that their new IOS7 sucks. I really need that Keurig now.

Chat eats like how rich people eat; salad and soup then her meat of choice then her dessert of choice. And with wine of course. While I on the other hand, is too  lazy to wait or too anxious to get to the meat. Or too poor to afford all that.  I reach for and gobble on the meat and be done with it. I was trained that way; growing up with 5 siblings and the shadow of one barely visible fish on the table, you have to be quick or nothing left for you.

But because I have been living with Chat since I got back a week ago, my daily activity now consists of eating and eating lots of food. Yesterday, she decided she wants to start "juicing" so I did too.  She used her new juicing machine, the latest addition to her hundreds of machines considered to be for "your health." You know, like the exercise machine----you just can't find one you like for more than a week, so you keep buying until your wallet becomes thin.  She concluded that juicing is not for her. I tell her juicing is good (you'd suppose I know better because I'm the oldest, right?) but she doesn't listen to me, so I end up being her student. Juicing for us may have ended before it even started, but just as well until we find something more exciting. Like, maybe getting pregnant? No, not me, I mean her.

"Giving is the best communication"

If affluence makes a person happy and content, why is it that half the population of this country is being sedated? Could it be that we watch too much television showing rubbish like: Man vs. Food, Iron Chef, the Kardashians and Mama June with Honey Boo-boo? What the....?

Eating is supposed to be an enjoyable activity and food preparation is presumed to be a leisurely and passionate endeavor and relished to an orgasmic state even. Reality tv is just too much reality and some people doesn't know how to pick out which is wholesome and what is trashy. And we expose our kids to it. And expect wholesome, functioning kids without Ritalin?

I can't watch Man vs Food or Iron Chef without my blood pressure being raised to a boiling level. And while I think that Mama June and Honey Boo Boo has had too much encounter with  food, the Kardashians I think has had too much encounter with the knife......you know, the matriarch Kardashian married to that mannequin of a husband who used to be a celebrity athlete? Was he a woman in his previous life? You see how scared he look when the matriarch is talking to him? Oh well, no wonder I don't watch tv because I don't know how to critique constructively.

Instead of feeling like I have 2 countries to call home, I feel homeless. Yesterday, when Chat and I were driving around, I was so ecstatic for the fact that I am here. In the US. With Chat. But there's that subconscious tugging feeling of missing the people I left behind in Cebu. I think about my boys, I think about my cat and then there's my farm. Of all the things that keep me going there, it is the farm that I consider my lifeline; it is what neutralizes me when I start to spew venom of complaints about the filth and congestion in the city.

But food remains to be a comfort for such a time of longing and confusion.

Ok, the eagle has landed and dropped me off here in Dallas.  And I feel good. But I miss my farm and my farmer friends. Our last minute gathering 6 hours before I had to get on the plane. Here, explaining the plant Blue ternatea and Pink Katuray. The leaves when mature to be used to embellish a salad or color a drink naturally.

Finally after 2 years, I harvested something to eat out of this fruit tree. The leaves are very useful to use as medicinal tea.