I'm hitting a wall

I used to thrive on deadlines and pressure. Yes. But that was several decades ago and right now just seeing these two words is enough to send me into a full blown panic attack. Last November when I quit my real job so I can write my book, I justified it by telling myself that I'm not really abandoning work, but rather I'm simply venturing into something more grand and important.(Anything that concerns me, myself and I is grand and important) So I set myself a deadline. I said I had to be finished by July this year so "I can go back to work."

Well, I'm not done writing and I'm not inclined to go back to work. EVER. In fact, I don't want to do anything anymore. NOTHING. So now, I've set a new goal: To do "nothing" and expect to be paid for it. I'm just rambling here because I'm hitting a wall and I'm frustrated as hell. I wish I'm hitting a wall like what Chat's cat is doing, like this.