And then what?

To a lot of people I would seem to have an ideal life. And I do. But my brain says otherwise and this is where my life becomes harder to navigate and more complicated than it should be. I love being the "consultant" to someone's life; I could see the problem and I know how to fix it. And with very little prodding I can run someone's life too--even remotely. So why don't I manage my own dear life? Because I can't. Or maybe because I don't want to?

"There's a pill for it." A friend told me. I know that, don't you think I know that? There's Jesus, even.
"So what the  hell is the problem? You got too many issues, you analyze too much and gets nowhere with it." I think it's called the "will". The will to want to change something--good, bad or indifferent.
A pill would cut or unwind this "rubber band feeling" wrapped around my brain, it would clear the fog, it would open the window to see the sunflower, the bees, the birds and the truth about what life really is.  And then what? Ahah, there's the problem right there. But don't worry, I can change anytime.