I've always wondered how it feels to have the experience of a "Marriage proposal" moment from someone you'd love to propose to you. Don't get me wrong, I don't want any of that bending the knee  nonsense in public. NO. But I'm talking about him gripping my shoulders,  pulling me close to him and gently looking me in the eye and asking: "How would you like to have my last name legally added to yours so you can have legal access to my millions." That kind, you know.

Why is it that I don't get those kind of men? Six years ago in a bus station in Malaysia, a Chinese guy who carries a British passport punctuated with a confused accent of the Brits and the Chinks asked me to marry him. He gave me all the reasons why we're right for each other. "After two weeks of knowing each other, you want to do that?" I asked. "Yes, so we can break the record of your second husband who married you after 7 days." I could not top the originality of that answer, but no, thanks.

The redneck says he "loves" me and  I doubt that I would be able to find anyone like him in my lifetime. ( I love the way them Southern boys love a woman, let's just put it that way. ) But when he said, "When you're ready, I want to marry you. You know I will marry you in a heartbeat" I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry over not getting the magical proposal (again) or feel relieved that I wasn't expected to answer his statement. But I said something anyway. "Well, here's how it is. I don't even do contracts with T-Mobile, I do the month to month thing because I don't want to sign any papers obligating me to anything. Unless it's the annuity papers from the Texas Lottery Commission."
"So would you marry me then when I get my first million?" Damn, he really wants to know. "Maybe your first 5 million I will." Now I wish I didn't make that promise because he said he buried some old collectible pennies in his backyard.