My New Year is Resolved

To simplify my life I follow this simple rule: To those who know me, no explanation is necessary, to those who doesn't know me, no explanation is enough. So when I went off the edge 8 months ago and lost all my senses and sensibilities to Arnel Pineda, eyebrows were raised but who cares? I hopped on the looney jet and took off. Then I came back to earth and I swear I tried to be sensible and reasonable again. But really, why apologize for something that made me giddy?

So to start the new year, I went to YouTube and looked for My Arnel. And here's what I found.
I am not sure that I like him singing with other entertainers and I have my reasons for that, except to some extent it's ok.

And I just love this, where everyone is dressed to the nines but My Arnel is dressed in "I'm a rock star, who are you?" suit. He could have wrapped himself in Armani, but he chose to stay true to himself - and he outdressed them all.
That gives me the confidence that he will not be influenced by the company that he keeps. I like Lani Misalucha, but I just can't have My Arnel sculpted, scalpel'd or *Belo'd. If you know what I mean.





*Vicky Belo-cosmetic surgeon in Manila

If Not Now, When?

“First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew so I did not speak out. And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I try not to write about politics and politicians in the Philippines because they make my blood turn to tofu. Because I have yet to develop the skills to where I can write objectively, fairly and not seeth in anger. But my friends keep telling me I should do what I can, after all, we have the technology and we can expose the ills and evils of the Philippines one blog at a time.
Here's a start:

http://ayawgloria-philippines.blogspot.com/

http://vicissitude-decidido.blogspot.com/

Rub His Belly?

John and Chat left for Laguna Seca this morning. John will be in race car driving school for a week and Chat said she will be enjoying the beach view for a week. Me, I'm stuck with their stupid cat. I didn't ask for this assignment but Chat knows how to work me and appeal to my conscience; She was teary eyed talking about Tigger being left in the cat hotel while they're gone. "Tigger will be traumatized being put in that cage and he will be more depressed when we get back." I tried to avoid eye contact when she said that, but I said, "That stupid cat is depressed? Why didn't you leave him at Petco?, why did you have to take him home?"

Chat and I don't have the typical mother-daughter relationship (though she acts more like the mother at times) we're just crazy buddies. "Mom, I'll take Tigger back to Petco on our way to take you to the nursing home." With that comment, I agreed quick to babysit Tigger.
She gave me written instructions on what to do: he gets canned tuna every other day, he only likes to play with his toy bird, he needs to be brushed and wiped with this lavender smelling wipes. I thought this is crazy because we have this cat in Cebu that I kept throwing over the fence hoping he'd get lost, and now I have to do this for Chat's cat like I'm a spa worker?

I am not maternal, I know. But if I thought that was too much, her instructions only got more wild. Rub his belly, he really likes that. I don't even rub Buddha's belly, and it's supposed to bring you good luck.

How Soon Do We Forget

Freely you have received, freely give - Matthew 10:8


It was only 2 years ago that Jordan was unable to read or write and now he is trying to manage my affairs in Cebu. At least he thinks he is anyway. About 8 years ago, Don and I stopped buying Christmas gifts for each other but instead we started adopting a family in Cebu for Christmas. We started with 3 families in Jordan's neighborhood then it grew to 7 and now 19. After Don died Chat has picked up the tab to continue the practice. My niece who used to facilititate this for us is now in Europe so I tried to set it up while I was there last month.

I explained to Jordan that I adopted him (though not legally) because God loves him and God is using me to show His love for him, and that God would want him to show kindness to people with the same kindness that he has been given. I also wanted him to feel like he's a part of this effort so I asked him to write down the names of the people and the kind of food they might want to eat that we can put in the food basket.

When I called the other day to ask Jordan for the names, I noticed that Arlene's name was not on the list. Arlene used to be my helper, she's not married but has a child. "Why is Arlene not on the list?" Jordan had a quick answer : "She sent away her son to Botyok the father, she can share what we give to her brother." I said, " I don't want her to feel left out, she always gets one every year, so go ahead put her back on the list."

My requirements for a family to be on the list are 1) with small children and struggling 2) Or old couple with no foods for Christmas at all. Jordan was unmoved. "She has no child, she gets no food." I started to raise my voice at him: "Jordan she is struggling, put her back on the list." Jordan has come a long way and I know he was sticking to the rules and not because he has a mean bone in him but I wanted to make sure he does not forget where he came from. After a few minutes of emotional wrangling with him, he agreed and I realized how glad I am that God is not man, or we won't get anything but punishment - and exacted even at Christmas.

Signs of Christmas Blues

1. Loneliness is sitting in your patio drinking coffee looking at the red firetruck and ambulance who came for your neighbor. And instead of worrying about your neighbor, your only thought was, "Ooh, the first sign of Christmas - the color red." And the husky paramedic.

2. When You shop for gifts for yourself.

3. When You eyed the pajamas and sheepskin house shoes for him then realized you already lost him 2 years ago.

3. When You tell your friends you can't attend their parties because you're going to another party. Your own pity-party.

4. When You start missing the not- fat guy in red - the Salvation Army volunteer standing in front of the grocery store. Like you, they long for company - even for a moment.

5. When You start googling the organization that gives free hugs.

6. When You suddendly wished you are short and small so you can sit on Santa's lap at the mall.
Or just anybody's lap really. Beard or no beard.

7. When You just came home from a laughter filled party with your friends saying "You're just so funny" then you go to bed and cry all night long. Because really, that's what loneliness is.

Where Do I Sign?

I just signed another year's lease on my apartment here in Dallas and I hate to sign my name on anything that makes me committed. I have several other choices of living accomodations that would be cheaper (if not free, like living with Chat) but I pay premium price for my personal freedom.

After I signed the lease, I felt sad because I realized that I am stuck for another year. I thought I really should be a vagabond especially now that I am feeling more like Lord Byron in one of his dark moods, feeling indifferent to life : " It is that very indifference which makes me so uncertain and apparently capricious. It is not eagerness of new pursuits, but that nothing impresses me sufficiently to fix, neither do I feel disgusted, but simply indifferent to almost all excitements." Lord Byron can afford to be crazy because he had royalties from writing about his craziness, while I can only afford to read about it.

When I told Chat that I may not sign another lease so I can go try vagabonding once more, she became quiet. And it's not good when Chat is quiet. She pulled from her purse a gift card (have you seen what merchants have done to rev up the US economy? -the card's border has Christmas holly and bells and a picture of her and John in the middle - it is so cool) handed it to me and she said the amount will pay for one year of psychotherapy. For me.
Don't you just hate it when your kid has more money than you? Especially when it seems only yesterday that I bribed her with extra 3dollars to her school allowance if she stopped watching wrestling?

I promised her I will be a "real vagabond" this time, that I won't be calling her again from the Four Seasons hotel asking for her credit card number. It's really not good when Chat is quiet. "Mom, you know why John and I just opted to have a cat and not a dog or a child?" I was smart not to want to know the answer. Right Tygger?

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah

How odd of God to choose the Jews, But odder still are those who choose The Jewish God but hate the Jews-


Because of Don's heritage and orientation, I have learned a great deal about Jewish and Christian history. One day in 1995, I got tired of just listening to what people told me about the bible, so I started reading it myself.

I came to know about salvation and got saved through my readings; I read the whole 66 books of the bible and I still read it for my daily devotion. I do not have a "religion" and I do not follow a church dogma - I follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and I have a personal relationship with Christ. I am a Christian and I attend a Christian bible believing church. Now that we got that out, let's talk about Christmas.

December 25 is not Jesus birthday. No one knows the day or the month, except that is was cold.
The early church celebrated the biblical feasts established by God in the Torah but Constantine not only divorced the church from Judaism, he married the church into paganism. The paganization of Christianity under Constantine replaced the biblical feasts with a new set of holidays, one of which is Christmas.*

Before the time of Constantine, early Christians never celebrated Christ's birthday. But the pagan Romans had long celebrated December 25 as the birthday of Mithras (the Persian Sun-god) which the Emperor Aurelian (year 274) had actually designated as an official Roman holiday.

Also known as Saturnalia, Mithras birthday was one of the Romans favorite festivals, a time for good cheer and gift giving. On that one day, masters would serve their slaves and Romans would give food to the children of the poor. Constantine claimed to be a Christian but did not seem to understand who Jesus was, but he was a devoted follower of Mithras. One day he saw the vision of the cross in the sky next to the sun, he apparently assumed that Jesus was a manifestation of Mithras. So Saturnalia was declared a Christian holiday...Christmas -the birthday of Jesus.

I love both holidays; Christmas, to remind us of the birth of Christ who is the Light of the world and Hanukkah, the feast of lights. But remember, without the resurrection, Yshua's birth would just be like any baby's birth. Resurrection is the capstone of Christianity and without it we are still in our sins. Enjoy Christmas because Jesus said " I have come to set the captives free."

Page 47-48 Dr. Robert Heidler -Messianic Church Arising

Christmas Again?

The father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. - 2 Corinthians 1:4


Five months after Don died was my first Christmas without him and I did not want to spend Christmas with anybody - not even with Chat and John. I was trying to learn to live life alone. I was holed up at the Manila Peninsula for Christmas eve and Christmas day.


After I checked in, the concierge asked me if I was going to have Christmas eve dinner at one of their restaurants. I told him no, that I will be going out with friends. I did not want to give the impression that I was alone and lonely. But The Pen hospitality is amazing; around 8pm that night someone knocked at my door with a light dinner and a bag of chocolates and one almost 8" chocolate santa. How did they know I was alone and lonely after all? The gesture made me feel good. But I was still lonely.

The next day I went out and amidst the crowds and noise at Glorietta, I could hear my own heartbeat throbbing in my chest. I was having panic attacks so I started to head back to the hotel, then a woman sitting alone on a bench caught my attention. She was watching the people merrily going in and out of the mall - she was looking but not seeing. Her eyes were so sad and empty I felt like I saw myself in her. I started to feel my own tears, I wanted to just sob and wail maybe, but I controlled myself until I was back alone in my hotel room. The crying made me feel good. But I was still lonely.

That night I ate alone again in my hotel room and that night I also made a discovery: The heart of the problem is the problem of the heart. People, places and things will not comfort a lonely heart. In fact, sometimes it only aggravates the wound. Who can best fix the problem if anything is broken? Of course, we consult the manual or call on the Maker of the product.

On the way to the airport, the driver started talking to me. I did not realize the hotel gave me the same hotel car and driver who picked me up 2 days earlier. "Ma'm don't be sad anymore. But even if you look sad, you're still beautiful." I've only heard of only one person in my life who called me beautiful, and that was Don. How does he know I'm sad? In America when someone compliments you, you say 'Thank You,' but in the Philippines when someone compliments you, you tell them to shut up (or something like that). I didn't know how to respond, I just kind of looked at him cross-eyed. I was still lonely. But he made me feel good.

Ang Kabaw ug Ang Langaw (Carabao and The Fly)

I was reading a thread going on at the Arnel Pineda website that talks about life and things and growing up poor in the Philippines. And one Ladydragon, mentioned the carabao (water buffalo). Her story made me laugh so hard; you know, the kind where you cry at the same time because actually the story is not funny but more bittersweet.

My parents were farmers who worked for a very rich and also very cruel family in Cebu. I worked for them too until God gave me a job with Penrod Drilling, a Dallas- based company. My job was supervising the movements of materials and the expatriate crew coming in and out of the Philippines. They hated it when I quit them, more so because I was now making more money and living in Makati.

One day, I was at the Intercon Hotel lobby and the matriarch Mrs. M.O. was there too. I did not acknowledge her not because I was being snotty but because I was afraid of her because she made everyone feel like the scum of the earth. She thought I ignored her. When she got back to Cebu, she sent for my father and screamed at him, waving her finger at my old father's face : "You tell your daughter, that just because she is on top of the carabao doesn't mean she's a carabao, she's still a fly and she will always be a fly."

That was over 20 years ago but I still think that she made a very good analogy, don't you think? And boy, am I glad she's not good at prophesy.

Chat's Cat

From day one Chat has hounded John to buy her a dog and I had to keep reminding John what his life would be like if he gave in. John would be taking care of the dog: Feed it and groom it, take it out in the freezing cold at 530 a.m before he goes to work when he could be snoozing comfortably in bed or risk waking up with a smelly pile on his carpet. Because Chat's role would only be to play with the dog - nothing else. John agreed and held out. Until 2 weeks ago.

When Chat was young (elementary and high school) on days when we were home, Don would stand by the window watching for Chat coming home from school. Then I would see Don rush out the door yelling; "Here comes Chat with them animals again." Chat would pick up stray dogs and cats and brought them home and sometimes even our neighbors' dogs and cats would end up in our house for a few days until Don found their owners to return them to. Don kept telling her to stop dragging animals to our house because we didn't want them but Chat found a way to keep them. Outside her bedroom window were thick green landscape shrubs where she would drop down plates of food from her window without us noticing. Until of course Don found them.

So when Chat called me while I was still in Cebu to tell me that they have bought a cat, I was afraid she was not joking so I had her put John on the phone, I said: "John what happened? Did you really agree to buy a cat for Chat? OMG, I won't be visiting your house anymore. I would have hairs all over my clothes when I come visit you, not to mention the smell. Did you really agree?" John just laughed.

Last week, when they came to pick me up at the airport, I had to see Johns face, make sure Chat didn't talk him into this tragic decision. "Why John? Did you really agree?" One thing endearing about John, he doesn't know how to lie. " I don't have to walk it."

I used to be the screen saver on Chat's Blackberry and John on her Iphone. It's now Tygger on both.

Convenient Inconvenience

How little it takes to make life unbearable: a pebble in the shoe, a cockroach in the spaghetti, a woman's laugh. - H.L. Mencken


Sitting at my desk at work yesterday, I asked myself: Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? Four years ago, a friend of mine who is a physician told me why she divorced her husband, "No adult should make less than 15 dollars an hour, he won't look for another job, so he's got to go." Yes, I have shallow friends. And yes, what she said struck a cord with me because 4 years ago when she said it I was already an adult and making less than 11. I asked her, "Well, can I be excused because I'm a woman?" She said "no." We're still friends though.


So today, I remembered her subtle rebuke and am reminded that unless I convert my pay to pesos, it does not make anyone feel good. Unless you're 12 and this is your first job. But God in His providence has protected my money and stretched it when necessary, reason why I am able to do what I do without being financed by plastics.

But because I am struggling with the worse jet lag I have ever experienced, It's very hard to see the positive in my life right now. I have laid awake for the last 4 hours, praying, tossing and turning. And eating at 3 a.m. and now blogging when I should be preparing to go to my un-adult paying job. I realize there's so much to be thankful for like- this laptop still works while my desktop has crashed, I complain about eating at 3a.m, but at least I have food - not Korean Airline food or hospital food. So let me go so I can stuff my face again. And stop complaining.

God Of This City

It's Friday morning here in Dallas and I'm sitting here in my patio drinking coffee tying to get over jet lag. It's dark and it's cold and my heart feels very heavy. During the 12 hour flight from Korea to Dallas all I could hear in my head was Jordan singing the songs he's learned from Sunday School. The first week I was in Cebu I had him watch and listen to Arnel Pineda on YouTube singing Faithfully. Jordan immediately told me "I don't like it" even before Arnel finished the first line. How dare you not like My Arnel? but I didn't say it out loud to him. "What do you like?" trying to be more indulgent to his childlike honesty. "Hosanna" he said. I like Hosanna too but not all day long with Jordan singing it.

Then last Sunday at church during the worship service led by Jordan's adult friends Jerry, Joshua and Gil, I heard this song for the first time and I told Jordan I really like it, so Jordan started singing this again all throughout the week until I left Wednesday night. Well, not really singing because Jordan doesn't really know the words but he makes up his own words anyway.

Later that afternoon I came back because my friend Tom asked me to teach the kids because their teacher was unable to come. I keep saying I don't do kids, but it went well with us discussing Genesis 39 about Joseph, one of my favorite Old Testament stories.

To Think or Not To Think

I woke up this morning startled because I just realized that my flight is tonite and not tomorrow night. This was how I missed my flight in Singapore 2 years ago. Leaving at 1:30 a.m on the 27th means I have to be at the airport at midnite tonight November 26th. Chat said I need therapy more than I need to travel if I had a hard time figuring this out.

What can I say? Well, I actually have two brains but one is lost and the other one is looking for it. Chat doesn't think it's funny that I had to call her to tell her that I have to leave tonite not tomorrow night. "Everyone knows that mom. Even the Korean pilot who hardly speaks English." Well, am glad she reminded me that I am flying Korean Air.

So I scrambled to get things done this morning, like : One more massage, one more pedicure, get my hair washed and massaged again even though I just had it done yesterday. And then eat more real food.

So let me post this now so I can concentrate on what I want to eat. This I will never have a hard time figuring out.

To Leave or Not To Leave

I have 5 days left here in Cebu and I have mixed emotions: part of me wants to stay longer, another part of me wants to just get out quick. I like to tell friends that I have an addiction to aviation fuel reason why I like to travel a lot, but the diesel fumes and the chaotic mode of transportation here in Cebu is about to do me in.

I want to stay longer so I can eat all these real foods, but I am also weary of counting in the thousands all the time like it's play money. The other day, instead of taking a taxi, I took the *trisikad just so I can justify dumping all my coins to the driver without just giving it to him. Also, because I always believe in wealth distribution. But definitely not like Obama's or my relative's idea of wealth distribution.
I learned this from Chat, when she vacations in Mexico or other 3rd world countries, she always make sure to tip everybody that provides services to her to make a few natives live better even for just a day while she's there.

Also, I better leave soon or Jordan would beat me in the grammar and spelling contest. What with all my friends and families texting me like this : Gud pm, eat na ka? C U tomoro.
Then this guy that I had a big crush on heard that I was in town and he texted me : Wer r u I wil col u. Did I say I was in love with this guy? Thank God, that was when I was ten. But I was nice and didn't ignore him - I texted back. No, I col u. Dnt col me.


*Trisikad - pedaled not motorized tricycle

To Eat or Not to Eat

I am here in Cebu, Philippines and normally, I get over my jet lag in 2 days. I have been here a week and I am still struggling with the pesky hunger in the middle of the night like I need my breakfast already. Since I can't go back to sleep, I get up with the intention of exercising but my postage-stamp- size apartment prevents me from doing that so I pace instead. And eat. Like I do in Dallas. Except that here, I eat real food. I don't put any restrictions on my eating, especially here. I only have one rule to follow here: if it's still it is food, if it moves, it's a cockroach.

Yesterday, I had lunch with my friends Armand and Pastor Leo. Filipinos (in the Philippines) thinks that gaining weight is a blessing from God. If you're a stick of bones and dying from cancer yes, of course. First thing Armand said to me when he saw me, with his eyes gleaming and a big smile: "Ooh, you gained some weight." Even when he said it in that sensual Ilonggo twang, I felt the spear jab my rib. I said, "Yeah, I prefer food over men." He meant it as a compliment but my brain still thinks American....you called me fat now I need a psychiatrist.

We finished lunch and moved on to Bo's Coffee and I was going to order a chocolate cake with my coffee, but Pastor Leo guided me towards the low fat carrot cake. He was not only concerned about the welfare of my soul. We had fun but as soon as I got home, I got on my scale and it said, "One at a time please." Oh well, I still prefer food over men.

Hello and Goodbye

I am here in Manila now but will be flying back to Cebu in 4 hours. I came here mainly to meet two friends that I have known through emails but we bonded like we had known each other all along. We connected because the last 4 months we had all chosen the same opiate for the moment; our drug of choice - Arnel Pineda.

My trip back to the Philippines would not have been complete if I did not get to meet them.
Over lunch we reminisced about the last 4 months - the intoxicating high that was brought on by the Arnel Pineda phenomenon.
We wondered how the "bug" came upon us and rendered us helpless - helpless to stop ourselves from acting like we had lost our minds with our brains replaced with jello. But we didn't try hard to justify or apologize for the momentary insanity. Like I said, never regret anything that made you smile. And we not only smiled, we also giggled like Jello.

Are we still crazy? Of course we are, though not with My Arnel anymore. I am not sure how to conclude this but all I can say is that I am really glad I came, and I felt sad when I had to leave, after all we only had 3 hours of bonding. I better get going before I miss my plane.

Hello from Incheon Airport

I'm here at Korea's Incheon airport after a 15 hour flight from Dallas. I have to wait for 6 hours before I connect to Cebu, so I had a massage --70usd but very much needed. And I am now using the free internet which is all over the airport.

There are 4 floors and the 4th floor is where you can get a transient room for 60 dollars for 6 hours, there's a shower for 8 dollars and really comfortable sleeping lounge chairs.

Right now, I haven't slept so I can't think. It's now 330a.m Dallas time and I am very groggy.

So I better quit before I start sounding like I'm hallucinating.

Ties that Binds

My friends have accused me of not being a typical Filipino because of 3 things :

1. I don't travel with boxes splitting at the seams containing cans of spam and a bicycle.
2. I don't want my tribe and the neighboring tribe congesting the airport to meet me when I arrive.
3. I don't want my tribe and the neighboring tribe congesting the airport to send me off when I leave.
Why? because I don't like it. When I say I travel light, I mean it to include people too.

In my childhood I used to hear my mom complain when our relatives from the mountains would come to our house and they came in droves. "*Nidulhog na, nagpanon pa gyud," she would say and then proceed to get busy taking care of them nervously. And because of lack of space, I was always relegated to sleep on top of the pig pen. Now, I always equate the sight of lots of people around me as a sign or a cause to get busy and go crazy. (I know, I need therapy for this.) Just as I like to do things alone here in the US, I do the same thing in Cebu. I don't like the idea of lugging my family around, or anybody for that matter - until I saw Arnel Pineda at Malacanang.

I thought it was so cool. Watching Arnel with his family in-tow was so cool I started planning to lugg my family to the mall next time I come to Cebu. But scratch that idea because I can't afford to hire a bus. I know, you're saying that I am always biased when it comes to Arnel, that he could not do wrong in my sight. Of course he can and he did do wrong. Why did he strain his vocals for Gloria? and for Sonny Belmonte? Arnel Pineda is a rock star, you don't call him - he calls you. Excuse me, I forgot. That is My Arnel. No arrogance; just a simple lead singer of Journey and humble father to Cherub.

So let me proceed to my next complain. Why was Gloria so prim and proper sitting next to Arnel? Why didn't she jump up and down screaming -Knellskyyyyyyy!!! The plokkers do that and they're half way across the world from him. The least she could have done was lean over his ear, giggle and say IDOOL!!! But I understand, it would be un-presidential for her to say I drool.
There goes my manners again.




*Here comes the herd descending on us.

11 Ways to Avoid Jury Duty

The people have spoken and come January we will have a black and white president to sit in the White House. Voting is a priviledge and trial by jury is a gift and I appreciate both. But serving on the jury is not my idea of a day off from work.


1. Ask the judge, “Cool if I take pictures for my blog?’

2. Bring fried lumpia (egg rolls) to sell at breaktime . If the bailiff stops you, start screaming –“You’re anti- Asian”

3. Address all the other juror loudly: "Who among us here will not kill for a date with Ross Valory?" if they roll their eyes start crying and keep blowing your nose on your sleeve.

4. When everyone is quiet, giggle and ask the bailiff : So, what do you think of Arnel Pineda? If he shush you and gives you that look like he doesn't know Arnel, start screaming - "You're a Steve Perry die hard and you're anti-Asian"

5. Breast feed your 7-year old. (Like my friend in Cebu)

6. Breast feed someone’s 7 year old. (Like my friend in Cebu. I know, I wonder too why I keep friends like this)

7. Act like a woman with PMS who cries a lot and keep crying until everyone is sad.

8. Keep winking at the lawyers and ask, “Can we hang him quick, boss?”

9. Always end your answer with : " But back in the Philippines if you have money….”

10. Insist on speaking in *Taglish like : ‘Lam mo kasi judge, I am a good citizen, kaya Im’here,
pero against my will talaga.

11. If none of the above works try this: show up wearing a t-shirt that says " I Want to Break Free " with Freddy Mercury's picture dressed like this .



*sentence interspersed with English and Tagalog

Listless Days, Restless Nights

Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. Behold I would wander far away, I would lodge in the wilderness. I would hasten to my place of refuge. From the stormy wind and tempest - King David (Psalm 55:6-8)

The best of life is over and it's bitters double...I am sick at heart. I have outlived all my appetites and most of my vanities - Lord Byron

I called Chat today to tell her I want to move to Fisherman's Reach, NSW Australia where my cousin and her husband lives. "Mom, last week you were ready to move to New Mexico -you just want to go anywhere as long as it says "new". You're acting like Angelina Jolie - except that she has money and you don't." Oh, minor details.

Fishing in Oklahoma 2 weeks ago. Reason to move to Fishermans Reach. My motto: Simplify, Simplify. With internet connections of course.

Paul Potts and Arnel Pineda

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10 - 12



On June 9, 2007, twelve days before Arnel Pineda's life was about to change for good, Paul Potts was making his mark at Britains Got Talent. Watching his rendition of Nessun Dorma, roughly translated as "None shall sleep," I could not help my emotion of pity and excitement. Paul Potts approached the microphone and Lord-help-us Simon Cowell, visibly nervous and hesitant to smile because of his crooked teeth. He sang and the crowd erupted into applause and awe - including Simon. The rest is here.

Julz and Cherry - the two women behind these men. Julz and Paul has been married for 6 years and Julz helped Paul sacrificially and emotionally. When Paul was temporarily incapacitated due to an accident, Julz was there to help bathe and feed him. But I believe the reason Paul kept going was because Julz was there simply believing that Paul will one day live out his dream of doing "what he was born to do".

Listening to snippets of Cherry's interview, I get the idea that she had always believed in Arnel's talent that needed to be harnessed, but no one noticed. Watching the latest interview of Arnel Pineda with Wonder Mom and looking at Arnel in his new house with a snapshot of Cherry on his lap, is enough to make you believe in God. And fairy tales. When Arnel got on the first plane out after his last concert, you know the man had a homing device back in Manila. It's called Cherry.

Stephen King, once said of why he persevered and became a successful writer : "I would have dropped the whole thing had my wife said one single word of discouragement, the reason I kept going was because she was behind me." I agree, kill a man's dream and aspirations and you will surely bury him alive.

We've heard it said, behind every man's success or failure is a woman, a woman's job is never done..etc. God has created us all for a purpose but what really is the woman's role in a man's life? I used to think - you wake up very early then wake up your husband, if he gets up and goes to work, then your job is done and you go back to sleep. No wonder I is single.

I Miss Freddy- Viva Farrokh

Five months before Freddy Mercury died of AIDS, he wanted to do one more song. The video was done in black and white to hide his faltering health. I miss you Freddy.

Sometimes I get to feelin
I was back in the old days - long ago
When we were kids when we were young
Thing seemed so perfect - you know
The days were endless we were crazy we were young
The sun was always shinin - we just lived for fun
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just dont know
The rest of my lifes been just a show

Those were the days of our lives
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but one thing is true
When I look and I find I still love you

You cant turn back the clock you cant turn back the tide
Aint that a shame
Id like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride
When life was just a game
No use in sitting and thinkin on what you did
When you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just dont know
Better sit back and go with the flow

Cos these are the days of our lives
Theyve flown in the swiftness of time
These days are all gone now but some things remain
When I look and I find no change

Those were the days of our lives - yeah
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but one things still true
When I look and I find
I still love you

Can I? Or May I Leave Now?

Lovers and madmen have such seething brains - Shakespeare

It's 1248 at night and I just hang up from my boyfriend (but Chat says when you're over 50 -you should not call each other bf/gf but nursing-home-friend). I am seething blue from anger. Anger at myself. We women are gifted with a sixth sense - we know when a relationship is over long before we know how to put it in words. But we don't leave, we don't confront, we don't even stop being nice to him inspite that we're dying inside. We stay until there's nothing left of us but a shadow of who we were.

I know I should have walked away from this relationship two years ago. But I didn't, because I didn't want to be alone, and I didn't want to have to explain to friends why it did not work. So I continued with the show, because really, it's all a show. See? I have a boyfriend, you don't need to pity me. But the resentment was eating me alive. The resentment became too much to hide, I lost my self-respect, which diminished my respect for him. And in time, slowly but surely - loathing and contempt has come. Not towards him but me.

I am angry for not having the courage to walk away from something that has suffocated my spirit and stopped me from feeling whole. From something that is hindering me from moving forward towards independence. Most of us stay in a relationship for financial reasons. That's why we women should establish ourselves financially and spiritually before we embark on a relationship, so when we meet that man, we will know for sure that we are not in need but in love.

It's healthy to be angry as long as we don't let it control us or it will lead to unforgiveness. Unforgiveness not only imprisons but also makes us sick. The antidote to unforgiveness? I try to remember that one man named Jesus ransomed me not with gold or silver but with His own blood. And I remember to be grateful that when things seem so dark, I'm not lost even when I could not find His hand, because I know His heart. And I hear Him whisper : Don't cry because it's over, be happy because it happened. I will try but not tonight.

The Lullaby Man

I am one who needs at least an hour of preparation to go to sleep - meaning, I lay in bed for at least an hour wrestling with my brain to stop thinking and go to sleep. Until now, I have not considered the idea of having a man lull me to sleep. But where do you buy them? And can you train them? I don't mean the puppies.

God Blessed The Broken Road

Video Courtesy of Yeroon123-Thanks. By Selah.

I can't begin to understand the pain you're going through. But God does.

Hang in there Seve

Never regret anything that made you smile - Ruslana Kurshonova

I don't know Severiano Ballesteros, I only met him last year at the Masters Tournament through NJ, but Seve made me smile, made me feel good - I even promised to see him in Carnoustie for The Open, knowing that I could not afford to go there. It's just as well that I didn't go because he made his announcement there to retire. In 1975, he started in Carnoustie, it's just fitting to end it in Carnoustie.

At practice at Augusta National. I have other pics I took of him but this is my favorite I used as my screensaver.

Twenty five years ago, NJ would bore me with golf and talks about Seve incessantly and I would pretend to be the "interested, good listener girlfriend" (shut up already) but when I finally met him last year, all I could say was, "Ooh, wow, really?" This Spaniard took my breath away. Winner of 5 majors, gray speckled hair and a flat belly? The British gallery loves him because Seve wears his heart in his sleeve. Seve cries. And I just love a man who cries.

And now I cry, because Seve is laid up in a hospital in Madrid because of a brain tumor. He made this statement from his hospital bed before the surgery :

"Throughout my career I have been among the best at overcoming challenges on the golf course," Now I want to be the best confronting the hardest challenge of my life - with all my strength, counting on all of you who are sending me encouraging messages."

Seve, I am praying for you. Look up from whence comes your help, your help comes from the Lord.

2008 Petit Le Mans

At last years Le Mans, Chat kept telling me how exhilarating it was to be around different race cars and the European race car drivers. (Lord help me, remember how she got me started with the Arnel Pineda video?) So this time I told her to make sure and bring me back videos of roaring engines and hot European men.
Well, I got 90% of Chat and only 10% of Le Mans.

My Arnel Is Getting Married

Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things - 1 Corinthians 13:6-7


I knew it. All along, I knew it. I was betting on a winner. That is My Arnel. I received an email this afternoon telling me about Arnel Pineda getting married. My heart rejoiced and I blurted out proudly to my co-workers : I knew he would do the right thing!

Arnel Pineda completed a whirlwind tour of 69 performances, with an album that made platinum and a bonus of women - young and old willing and wishing to throw themselves at him. Yet, My Arnel knows what matters. And what matters most.

I don't know Arnel and I don't know Cherry but I always pray for God to comfort Cherry's heart because whoever said that distance makes the heart grow fonder, is a fool. Distance makes the heart forget.

In my quiet moments I often wonder what it must feel like having a famous husband or boyfriend who is away and all you see is a YouTube or webcam version of them. How tough do you have to be so you can sleep well at night and be at peace during the day? Yes, you can spend well but you don't live well. I don't care what people say, yes, Filipinos are used to being separated and still manage to stay married. That is why my heart aches for the OFW's. But what kind of a marriage? And does it have to be that way?

I am very glad that Arnel came to this decision. Arnel needs Cherry now more than ever because fame is very oppressive. Arnel's eyes have lost it's sparkle and I expected this to happen, because the endorphine enduced high stimulated by the all too sudden fame is all too much for the body to handle. The mountain top is nice for a visit but we can't live there, we have to come down because it's in the valley that we grow.

Now, I only wish that Arnel gets married in the Philippines and not here in America because over there I don't have to be invited. As long as my friend's neighbors cousin's co-workers mother is invited, I am in.

My journey in New Mexico

OMG!!! I fell in love with New Mexico. I did not get to meet any of the Jboys, but that's ok. I prefer it that way anyway. I'm not even sure I want to go to the "meet and greet" because I am afraid that the cleaning crew would not be happy cleaning after me. Unless I have my Depends ready.

But I did get to meet interesting people.

The Navajo Code Talkers where the movie The WindTalkers (Nicholas Cage) is based from. I got my book The Code Talkers signed by all of them.

Michael Thomas - a jazz musician who plays at the plaza. I asked him if he has a real job, he said No. He barely makes enough money but he's doing what he loves.

Joseph and his dog "sister". Joseph has no home but a tent up in the hills of Santa Fe. He has been living as a vagabond for 2 years now after serving the US army. But he prefers it that way. "It is more peaceful, and I want peace" he said. Now I know how a well-heeled woman suddenly becomes homeless - she falls in love with a homeless man and moves in with him.

Steve has a simple wish: I want to be a tricycle driver. When he came to New Mexico from Michigan 2 years ago, on vacation with his wife, he rode in one of these. He told his wife "I want to move here and this is what I would do, drive people around for a tour." I'm not sure what happened to the wife after hearing him proclaimed his lofty goal and achieved it too.

And last but not least. Marikit from the AP shoutbox read my blog about me coming to New Mexico. She emailed me and wants to know if we could hook up, of course we can. She bought her concert and plane tickets and we met for the first time. She has such a calming presence, unassuming but independent spirit and a Manchester United die-hard fan. We had such a great time talking we forgot to take pictures of us. Until we meet again, glad to have met you Dr. Geslani.

Journey In New Mexico -2

I don't know why I even try, but these are the best pictures I have.


Dean and Jonathan singing with Cheap Trick


Neal playing the Star Spangled Banner

"It hardly rains in New Mexico and when it does, it does not rain long," that's what the taxi driver told me. But last night, it continued trickling all throughout the night. But people came and stayed in the rain. One concert goer said that fans from neighboring cities were coming because it's not often that big name bands come to town and Journal Pavilion was the only venue they could come to. Also, Journey's performance last night was the last performance at Journal for this year.

I noticed that the fans were young(er) and it was more like a family affair; seated next to me was a girl about 14 or 15 years old with her dad and an older brother. The girl was very quiet and timid but I noticed that everytime Arnel comes to the middle of the stage facing us, she would light up and scream or clap. Then when Arnel stood up in the box, she screamed and jumped for his attention. I wanted to say, "Hush girl, grandma here feels the same way" but maybe she thought Arnel is her age.

There was a lady I think from the local tv station who was up in the stage with the band all the time following mostly Arnel with her video camera. Arnel may be tired but he wore that lady out from chasing him left and right of the stage. Most of the time she was taking the video from behind Arnel towards the audience, but I think it's them black leather pants she liked to view from behind. Who knows. All I was thinking was : When I grow up I want to be like her, get a job like that chasing Arnel Pineda. But Arnel would be too old then.

Journey In New Mexico

Arnel Pineda is that good. The kid is a pro. And the J-boys? They look amazingly refreshed, energized and there's much vitality but you don't know where it's coming from; like an old car with a new paint job? Like, you know it's been sitting in your neighbors garage for a long time, you have not seen it driven, yet when it came out of the garage it was not sputtering - it took off bright and roaring.But the driver is not your familiar neighbor.

The stage lighting at Journal Pavilion was definitely better than the one at Superpages when Journey was here. Except for some momentary black outs for stage effect, the light upstage was continually bright and the lighting for the audience enabled the band to see the audience and make eye contact far beyond the 3rd row.

That's how I was able to see Jonathan very clearly when he played the organ and helped Robin Zander with Cheap Trick sing Surrender and Deen was also brought in towards their last song. Jonathan and Deen looked out of place at first, they both had an uneasy smile that seemed to say, "Yup, we feel awkward, but wait til you see us with our own tribe."

And their own tribe did show up. Arnel came out in black garb: ski hat, scarf wrapped around his neck. And I didn't think the boy could get away with leather pants. Yes he did, and Yes, it was hot. But maybe not too hot because he only took off his head gear. Looking at Arnels hair fluttering over his shoulder gently, softly, shinily (if there's such a word) I wanted to hate him: How in the world did I get blessed with hairs like that of a porcupine?

Anyway,also because of good lighting I was able to feast my eyes on Ross Valory I almost forgot that there were other members of the band. Like Deen. I am not sure if it was just my eyes or the lighting but I'm telling you, Deen's eyes were dancing, gleaming with a boyish smile happily banging his pots and pans, "Look mommy, I don't need Ritalin."

Neal played the Star Spangled Banner, while the red, white and blue was fluttering on the screen, then gave the V-sign when he was finished. It dug out a warm feeling inside me, making me pause for a moment how grateful I am of America, to be naturalized and be a part of her. And a part of last nights concert. Maybe it's just me wanting to believe this but when the boys sang the song without Arnel, I honestly believe it was a calculated move by the boys to lighten the load on Arnel's throat. To help little brother. Because this needs to be said; Arnel Pineda is tired. That's why I said he is that good and he is a pro because He hardly had no voice but Arnel came on top last night. I want to see again the life back in that signature Arnel Pineda smile. I want the dancing mooneyes again.

I have not seen Ross sing much until last night. Oooh,I was mesmerized when he looked down at someone in the audience and gave his teasing smile. (Even though it was not me he was looking at) When Arnel and Neal had their backs together doing Lights, Arnel leaned hard on Neal's back, then slid down gesturing to Ross that he was tired so he's using Neals back as his bed, Ross opened his mouth so big and laughed so hard. Now, I remember why I wanted to elope with him. Them tight jeans covering his legs the size of my ankle, and converse shoes just kills me.

Ok, let me stop dreaming as I'm hardly coherent here...from lack of sleep. I got back to my hotel room around midnight last night then left the hotel at 4a.m. to catch the 6am flight back to Dallas. So I just got home about 5 hours ago. As expected I don't have good pictures but that's not the worse, I bought a front row seat and paid $317 for it only to find out that Live Nation double booked it. So why was I the one to leave the seat and be herded out back to the 6th row instead of the 1st row? I could have made things difficult for the security people and demand that they rectify it and put me on the same row because there was an empty seat but I did not want to use my energy for a negative discussion. The head security came back with a bracelet to allow me to go to the VIP area to get drinks. Are you kidding me? But I have this principle: I already lost the money, I can't damage my body too. So why engage in a heated discussion when those boys are just doing their jobs? I told Chat what happened and she was fuming -"Tomorrow, Live Nation will hear from me." You go girl, go on with your bad self.

To Muse or Be A-mused

When I opened my eyes this morning, it took me a while to comprehend where I was. I was so out of it then I heard my cell phone beeping, I thought it was my alarm waking me up to get to the airport for New Mexico. It was Chat's message from last night that they made it to Atlanta for the Le Mans racing.

I got out of bed then staggered to the living room and plopped on my chaise, coiled myself into a fetal position and fell asleep again. I just could not get out of this malaise so I had to cancel out on going to Studio Movie Grill tonight for the Palin-Biden debate. I was one of the 115 people selected by a local radio station to attend and have a post-debate discussion with Scott Wilder.
How could I discuss anything when I didn't even know where I was this morning?

I am really saving my energy for New Mexico. See, I have my priorities in order. Between discussing politics which I know nothing about, and being a-mused by Arnel Pineda and Ross Valory, which do you think I would go for?


Last years Le Mans, this was Chat trying to be nice, smiling but she was really ticked at John and the pit boys for asking her to do this.
How dare you make me stand here in the heat. I'm only here so I can oogle at the European race car drivers....

Journey Take Me Away

All week I was half dead with the flu and complications from respiratory allergies, but I still dragged my comatosed self to work then the Rolling Stone article bolted me out of my coma. Now I'm here at my desk at work, still lazy to do nothing but stare out the window and imagine myself fishing in the pond below. I just need to get to New Mexico and see if I can spur myself out of this doldrom. Nothing that Journey or Arnel Pineda can't fix though.

But you know why I like Journey? Because unlike other bands they don't come out with glazed eyes, breaking their guitars, spew out some cuss words then proceed to kill you with their head splitting, banging noise they call music. And when Arnel Pineda says something less savory for Journey, big brother Neal comes out with a big stick and calls CBS news to the rescue. But I love Arnel man, he's the ants in Neal's pants.

Yesterday Chat turned 32 so I took her and John to Japan House for her birthday lunch and over prime rib and sushi Chat commented about my Rolling Stone article: "Arnel Pineda does not have to apologize for anything; he is a rock star, he's supposed to have an attitude." Hmmm...she's right. How come I didn't think of that? I must really had the flu. Or I must still have the flu for agreeing.

Help Me Find Maryam

Yesterday I received an ecstatic call from my Jewish friends urging me to meet with them this morning because they wanted me to meet and hear Taysir Abu Saada. Tass as he is known in America is a Palestinian who used to be an Aid to Yasser Arafat - a sniper for Arafat. Tass found Jesus and has converted from Islam to Christianity. He has written a book, "Once an Arafat Man" and he's touring the world bringing the message of Jesus to reconcile Jews and Muslims.

I spoke with him a bit but had to beg out of lunch with him and my friends because I had to be with Chat for her birthday today. Tass told me, the Filipinos has a special place in his heart because his nanny was Filipino and he remembers his nanny praying for him all the time. Tass's story is very compelling as he tells it because I can see the providence of God even before he knew it. Everyone was glued to their seats as he was speaking. He was 7-10 years old when Maryam was his nanny. And the day he was shown the light of Jesus, he saw 2 hands put together in prayer with a cross tattoed at the back of one hand. The vision was how he remembers Maryam when she prayed.

And this is where I feel compelled to write in the hope of finding Maryam. Tass remembers her name spelled this way and he has been to Mindanao to try and find her. It was early 1960 when Maryam left their employment, so she would be in her 70's if she's still alive. He does not remember her last name but knows for sure she came from Mindanao.

So if anyone knows where to begin to connect the dots, we would appreciate it.

http://www.amazon.com/Once-Arafat-Man-Story-Sniper/dp/1414323611

It's Always Something With Arnel Pineda

That's it. The AP can't be a politician, thank God. He is too honest - he says what he thinks and how he feels. As I was reading the Rolling Stone article, I thought : That is My Arnel. The real to the core, simple, honest-to goodness- home grown - dug out of nowhere diamond in the rough. Not polished but a diamond nonetheless.

I am not sure but I think Arnel still thinks in Filipino. So Ande Green botched up the context of the truth that Arnel meant to express. Arnel's words were authentically Arnel if you left them to stand on it's own, but when Ande decided to elaborate on it, not understanding where Arnel is coming from, then it indeed painted a different picture. Add to that Arnel's choice of words that can easily be misconstrued, like for example: "He pushed me a little and said, Go. Go sing for us." On paper it sounds harsh and colonial because we can't see the signature smile on Arnels' eyes. But we know without a shadow of a doubt that when Arnel relayed those same words to Ande, he was smiling, jokingly retelling his own nervousness at that time in Chile.

"I told them I wanted to back out," we've heard Arnel say this to CBS Sunday in June and we grasp what he meant. But to say, "The whole thing nearly fell apart" was an overstretch and purely Mr. Green's interpretation, because I am sure that after spending a few minutes with Arnel Pineda, he must have sensed (if he can't grasp) what Arnel was trying to articulate that Arnel was not talking about cancelling out on the Jboys but rather, that's how "overwhelming" the whole experience was for him.

But what if Arnel Pineda is really whining and complaining? What if he really said, "Man, this is too much, I can't take this anymore. I will finish this year's tour and I'm out of here. I love the cash and the flash but I miss home and this is not what I want to do anymore." Does that make Arnel less of a person? Does that make him less of a great singer? Does that warrant anyone to judge him and insist he should continue because not many people will have been given this chance to sing with Journey?" I'll take my toys home and stop playing with you if you answered yes.

As much as I respect a person who knows how to persevere and press on inspite of, I have this deep envy and a greater respect for someone who can walk away from it all. When the "all" is no longer working, when the "all" is killing the person to where there's nothing left but the expectation that you no longer wants to meet. When the "all" makes you wake up one morning and you look at the mirror and finds the same face - except it's no longer the same person.

Journey Management is good at handling damage control as far as the media is concerned (they yanked Deen Castronovo's video with the Nashville chick, reason it disappeared from my article) so my question now is, who in the freggin' world did the tour scheduling? Neal Schon said they won't tour at this rate again, so who planned this to begin with? I can't stand it whenever decisions are reached tainted by money, so let's hope it's not money.

I don't blame people who use publicists or don't give interviews at all. Look at Kate Moss. She can strut that body but the girl is deaf and mute when it comes to the media: If you don't speak, the media will have less to hang you with. But I'd say let Arnel Pineda be. AP, do what you have to do or speak and be politically incorrect, just don't be a politician ok?

Ooh, I just realized that I am missing a letter to Mr. Green's name. I not only missed a letter, I rearranged (unknowingly) the letters too. I'm sorry, it should be Andy Greene, not Ande Green. Still the same, right?

Did You Email Me?

A few people have mentioned before that they tried to email me but could not get through. I did not understand what they were saying because I get emails all the time, but the other day Noemi from Boston brought it to my attention again. I now realized that If you emailed me directly through the blog, I believe that it sometimes fail. You know I am technologically challenged so I don't know how to correct that except for you to copy my address directly to your address book. So I thank all of you who persevered to contact me.

I cringe at the thought that some of you emailed me and thought I ignored you. I respond to all emails except for one. And you know who you are.
But I had a good laugh today because this blog will answer that email after all. Thanks Lithium Shore.

Kao Kalia Yang

"Because our stories are worth writing and reading" - Kao Kalia Yang

After a hurried lunch with friends yesterday I rushed to attend the reading of "The Latehomecomer." Through the efforts of a local neighborhood book club in Allen, the Allen Public Library sponsored Kalia to fly to Texas and discuss her book, a memoir of a Hmong family.

When I came through the door, an Asian lady greeted me and asked if I am a Hmong. I simply said no, not clarifying that I am Filipino because I assumed she was only trying to see if I was a Hmong like her. She had on a perfectly blended make-up matching her beautiful, evenly tanned skin with a spikey haircut. So that's how Hmong's look like. I know she wasn't Kalia, but I thought she was a Hmong and not a Filipino. Her name is Minvi a member of the book club who's helping Laura, the lady responsible for bringing Kalia in to town.

Kalia spoke in a seductive tone - yet sad, but forceful and affirming. I thought: How do you do that? Can I buy some of that? I think it's the poetry in her tongue and the passion from her heart. To see poetry in wars, it had to be both. During the question and answer session I wanted to ask her what the writing process was like because the book is full of gripping and heartbreaking scenes, but I held my tongue because right at the beginning when she started talking, I got a lump in my throat. I'm telling you, it's that Kalia voice.

At the reception and book signing, which by the way, they ran out of books, I noticed that she not only signed her name but also included some inspiring lines. She hardly looked up because the line was long and she had to catch a flight back to her home in Minnesota.
Watching Kalia signing nervously I thought of my friend June who is now negotiating on publishing her book Gungnir's Sister (mystery suspense fiction). She asked me Friday if I would travel and do book signing with her. Note that I'm not a fiction fan but I have read and reread her manuscript and it's still riveting.

But I have a lot of respect for fiction writers because of the creativity involved (or just about any writer who finish their work) because mine has been sitting inside my computer untouched for several months now. I started my memoir at the behest of Chat (for posterity) and my writing teacher's assurance that it will (financially) allow me to quit my real job.
When people ask why it's taking so long for me to finish it, I jokingly say -"I don't want to finish it because I don't want to do book signing" of which Chat is quick to say, "Mom, you're assuming people will buy it."

Ok, here's a new excuse, "I'm still practicing the Kalia voice." Or, maybe because it's not easy to reinvent the truth?

http://www.kaokaliayang.com/

Balloon Festival -1

Today, Friday is the kick off of the balloon festival weekend. As the balloons were launched I took this picture then went to Express chicken to get some fried chicken. I'm addicted to grease ok?
Followed this one to the neighborhood. Getting too close there buddy.
You think you're gonna make it? Uh. oh.

Yup. The pilot, driver or whatever you call them - 2 females made it safe.

Balloon Festival 2

Me in black top trying to get away - I better get away from here, before they ask me to help. That's too much work, let them kids work. See that man to the right with the baseball cap and arms folded? He's saying : Naaah, I ain't helping either.
I have other ones to see like this ugly face.


And this one. Well, that's enough. You've seen one, you've seen them all.

Plato and Platypus

When I moved in to my present apartment I did not feel at home because I did not have my books with me because I wanted to wait until I could build a bookshelf that will not make my apartment look cluttered. I finally made the bookcase and got some of my books up. I don't read as much as before because I think I have ADD or maybe it's the cobwebs in my brain, but I still pretend I can read.

So last night, I attended the Authors Series here in Plano. Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein are 2 philosophy graduates from Harvard and their featured book last night was Plato and a Platypus Walk into a bar.

The St. Andrew UMC building is very imposing but maybe because it was my first time there, so I asked the man I saw in the parking lot if he knew which side I should go in. He didn't know about the presentation but he laughed curiously, "Plato and Platypus? That sounds like a joke." I said: "Well, the authors will supposedly show how philosophical concepts can be illuminated by jokes and that jokes are loaded with fascinating philosophical content."

Anyway, I found my way in, sat alone at the very back then this tall, tired looking elderly man came up to me and introduced himself as Tom. He wanted to know if I was with somebody and why I sat at the back alone. I don't like sitting at the front and I am always alone and love being alone. " Aw, ok. I will try to speak louder so you can hear me, I am one of the authors." He was Thomas Cathcart.

Him and Klein were both on stage and took turns talking about Plato, British Empirism and Kant's synthetic and analytic statements. I thought: Don would love this but my menopausal brain can't deal with this anymore. Luckily, Klein illuminated it with his jokes, and I can process jokes. Here's one he told that I could relate but am not sure what philosophical concept this falls into.

A woman reports her boyfriend's disappearance to the police. They ask her for a description and she says, " He is 6'3" tall, well built with thick curly hair. Her friend says, "What are you talking about? Your boyfriend is 5'4" and bald with a huge belly.

And she says, " Who wants that one back?"

My sentiment exactly.

Preserving the Magic

Thank God, that I saved a copy before Chat took out the link. Because I don't flow with technology, the only way I know to preserve pictures and videos is put them in a box and store them in the closet. At least now, I have Blogger to store them for me.

When Chat came by my apartment the other day, she taunted me by playing Faithfully on her Iphone and my heart started to palpitate..hmmm....Magic.

Where Has the Magic Gone?

I should have listened to Chat when she told me not to join the forum. I have tried jumping in the shoutbox twice just so I can say that I tried, because I will try anything once but my eyes could not handle the multi-colored pingpong balls. But it's too late, the magic left after I became a member. Once you're registered you can easily go in and out of the AP shrine - the site I once thought of as mystical. The mystical became familiar and the familiar became ordinary.

"If you don't want to lose the magic or the mysticism just watch YouTube and stay away from the crowd unless you want your candle extinguished." There was wisdom there, now I know.
It was Chat who introduced me to the Journey/AP bandwagon but someone ticked her off so she left (the forum) and never looked back. She's still Journey crazy, worshipping them in the sideline.

But that's Chat, I'm still chasing the magic. But it's like eating ice cream and the law of diminishing returns. You take the first bite and uhmmm...so you keep eating hoping that the next spoonful will taste like the first one, but it doesn't. So you go on to find your next distraction. I went to Ross's site. Now there's still magic there because you can't get Ross to talk about himself but if you click on the horse it will emit gas for you. I didn't say it's cute, I said there's magic there.

Then I move on to Freddy Mercury, the guy who famously said " I won't be a rock star, I will be a legend." For crying out loud the guy is dead. Maybe that's where I will find the mysticism again. After all, we want what we can't have and the chase is better than the purchase.
Well, not so fast. Last Monday, I booked a hotel and plane ticket to Albuquerque and paid premium dollars for a front row ticket to see Journey and My Arnel one more time, to see if I can bring back the magic. If it's really gone, then this dog ain't hunting no mo'. At least not openly.

Toronto Concert Review (by BeerXpress)

Because I don't get to *pinch Arnel (unless you have a good lawyer you don't do this to Americans) and *squeeze his cheeks, I live off of his YouTube videos and reviews from people. Below is a review by Beerxpress (YT poster) when Journey was in Toronto. Long overdue but I want to preserve this in my blog and I think this is a very well written review. Thanks BX.

The traffic was moving slow on the way to Molson Amphitheatre. We feel the Journey spirit around when I hear Revelation playing in their cars. One guy cheeringly asked me if he's in the right way to Molson. A lot of young crowd walked along Lake Shore towards the amphitheatre. When we got there, we grabbed draft beers for $11 each. I noticed the crowd is a good mixture of young teens, men & women in their 40's-50's, a few who seemed left behind by time still wearing their mullets and long haired Perry style in his younger years and a good sized group of Filipinos.

It was fun to see the Journey fans of different generation. I was expecting older Journey fans...I was wrong. So many young teens singing and bopping their heads, singing the lyrics along with Arnel. You would think they were born during the early Journey years. I wondered myself how they came to know Journey. Whatever the reasons are, I'm amazed. Totally unexpected! Now you will understand why Journey music is ageless.

Jonathan was wearing this tight white stitched denim. He looks much younger for his age. Neal Schon....he's gorgeous! His dark hair, black outfit with his big cross necklace and leather wrist bands...he's surprisingly young looking...and what a great smile. And Ross...just adored him. He made those funny faces, the comic of the band. Deen looks so much different in person. He's handsome! Saving the best for last, Arnel is adorable. He's just average short but boy...he's such a ball of energy! He was wearing the same jacket he wore in Chile. I figured, it's just appropriate to celebrate his birthday with Journey for the first time. No question about it, Arnel's tenor voice is perfect for journey music. He spins jumps and sings like a big man hitting every high notes. He stood on top of the speaker cheering the crowd from lawn area.

The crowd screaming Wows in every song and everyone on their feet. I definitely hear the crowd's approval that they like Arnel. He was singing non-stop, one song after another. His only break was the harmonica and guitar with Neal and Jonathan. Jonathan dropped his harmonica on the floor at the end of the song and run to his piano. Anyway, not even a trace that Arnel was sick two days ago. I noticed that he sprayed his mouth while Neal Schon was playing his guitar. He looked tirelessly jumping, smiling and cheering the crowd. He's just fantastic.

We know why their concerts were sold out! He started with the song Never Walk Away. Crowd cheering except a few stood still awestruck. He nailed every high notes in all classic songs. Toronto crowd were hot!!! Their hands up in the air..couples dancing with their music...UNBELIEVABLE! When Arnel sang Don't Stop Believin, the crowd sang along with him. Lights....I grabbed my flashlight and others put their cell phones up and lit up lighters swaying to the song. It was electric! Arnel is definitely a great asset to new Journey. He constantly made eye contacts with the people...totally amazing. He points at you...making heart gestures. He smiled at me..as if he knew me personally. I was on the 5th row...as if he's just singing just for me… whoops...sorry for daydreaming or nightdreaming LOL..

Neal's the best with his guitar as if he's making love with it hahaha....such magnetic smiles. Overall, amazing concert! Not to be missed! I have so much to say but this is getting too long. Sorry for that. My constant playing of Revelation and after this concert, I want to see more of Journey! Journey music lives on.

Then my unfortunate experience. ..Arnel threw me this black thing looks like a suede towel or something landed on my head and this tiny filipina, quickly grabbed it from my head. Whoever it was, hope you’re not feeling guilty lol….OMG.....everyone was asking me why I didn't grab it back. But it's okay...I enjoyed the concert and you can say...I'm still Journey obsessed hahaha.Don’t forget to buy your concert tickets! It’s worth the money for sure. --------------------------------end-------------------------------------------------------

*Filipinos way of showing overwhelming desire to kiss cute and kissable kids.

Billy and Ike

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable. ---Helen Keller



Last night I dragged my friend Billy to this newly opened Cajun restaurant close to where I live. Billy is my foodie buddy. On our way there Billy came up with a spur of the moment idea to drive south and meet Ike - the hurricane that is about to inflict Houston and the neighboring coasts sometime tonight. "I have not seen a hurricane, why don't we go meet him?" I looked at him like, are you crazy? But he was serious. Really, I thought it was a great idea too, because in my childhood when typhoons visited Cebu, the day after always brought a feeling of serenity within me. I loved the stillness of it, that even now, subconsciously I long for the storm if only to experience the calm the day after.

Anticipating the adventure we were going to have, I was euphoric. I felt the adrenalin rush as I imagined myself bracing against the rainstorm. Billy has a brand new double cab pick-up truck and the plan was to go as close as we can to Galveston, then sit and watch the waves lambast the seawall or buildings and whatever else the 130mph wind would do. We planned to stay awake and watch the chaos all night but book 2 hotel rooms just in case. But in our planning we didn't consider the fact that traffic going in to Houston was blocked. So the temporary euphoria was dashed quickly. Billy instead went fishing today and I went to Barnes and Noble and sifted through the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.

Billy is battling liver cancer but he seizes each moment. After working for 40 years with Texas Instruments he retired two years ago only to be diagnosed with liver cancer the next year. I have watched Billy live each day like it's his last and yet he makes provisions like he's going to live forever. His friend's son plays minor league hockey and Billy follows them cross country not because he loves the game so much but I think because he loves the people more.
When I told Chat about me and Billy going to Houston to meet Ike, she said : "I suggested before that you hang around Billy so he can teach you how to live not so you can learn how to die. But if the 2 of you wants to chase typhoons and tornadoes, go ahead, just make sure that you increase your life insurance policy, because I intend to be rich when you're dead." Chat is just so loving that way.

Sitting here I am mulling over the uncharacteristic excitement I felt last night. Why was I overly excited of the thought of the impending danger? Do I have a death wish? Is my life that dull that I need that kind of adventure to jog my senses? I am tempted to answer both questions with a no, but the truth is, we all have a death wish and we all have a dull life. The only question left is how often and how dull?

The Authentic Life

Today my boss walked past my desk and saw me scanning, she said : "That's a job for a 17 year-old." So why am I paid like I'm 12? No, I didn't tell her that.
I like my work environment and I have the coolest boss but I don't really care for the job I have now. So find what you love to do and you'll never have to work a day in your life, right?

One of these days, I will really get the courage and find a paying job writing for magazines or newspaper. I think I will really feel fulfilled then. Which reminds me of what the novelist Mary Morris said, " Pursuing what you want to do and achieving your goal is not like finding the burning bush or discovering a gold mine. There are usually no epiphanies, no sudden reversal of fortune. Fulfillment comes in fits and starts, fulfillment comes in many guises."

My motivation to write is never about money but simply because I like to talk. Reason why I'm awake at 10pm and writing when I should be sleeping so I can go to my real job in the morning.
I approach everything with a passive attitude because of no other reason - I am not aggressive. Most of the jobs I've had were given to me and most of what happened to me in the other aspects of my personal life, they just happen. Not really. The same God who designed the orbit of the universe is the same God who made things happen for me and no one can convince me otherwise. I don't buy what The Secret is selling; I know the bible too much.

I better shut up and go to sleep. But let me share this with you from the book Simple Abundance,
"Today you can begin to transform your workplace and your working style by considering how much you have to be grateful for. If you have a job, even the one you can't stand, it's a safety net as you take a leap of faith towards your authenticity. If you're out of work, then the path has already been cleared for you to answer your authentic calling." Hmmmm.

I used to dream of being a columnist for Sunstar Cebu or The Freeman, live in Cebu and sit my lazy behind at Tinder Box everyday sipping coffee. (Are you reading this Mr. Seares?)
I though that would be my authentic self, a writer. Yeah, and I would be authentically broke too.

Freddy Mercury

Farrokh Bulsara famously known as Freddy Mercury seldom gave interviews, but when asked about his future plans, he said :
"What will I be doing in twenty years' time? I'll be dead, darling! Are you crazy?"

Thank God or I would be going to his concerts too. This kills me, the bottomless microphone, the wife beater shirt and he is soooo gay, I just love him. Look at the energy. Here's to get us through the hump.
Courtesy of Oberon1966-thanks

Sara Palin vs. Osama Bin Laden

Before I came to America I have only voted three times – and all on the same day. My own feet really went to three different precincts in Manila and my own hands really voted. I say this because in Cebu I found out that I had voted every year but I still don't know who I voted for. My girlfriend's married boyfriend (a military colonel and senior aid to..) convinced me to vote, and with free meals and air-conditioned car how could I refuse?

In 1986 I arrived here in America and one of the things Don lectured me on was about voting in this country—you only vote once and no sardines either. He explained the electoral college, the history of the 2 political parties and why it is important to vote. Don said I have to consider the values and principles that guides me, what matters to me and base my decision on that as to which candidate would best represent me. But back then, I really did not care, after all I came from a country whose people believes that the Philippines can be run by Pacman.

But I did have this much conviction about my candidate here in America; if I have to look at him for the next 4 years, he better not be an eyesore. So I voted for Bill vs. the old George. Then after Bill, I voted for the young George. (Because when he lived in Dallas, he opened the door for me coming into The Container Store.) I didn’t know who he was until Don told me he was the co-owner of the Texas Rangers. And I liked his nose a lot better than Al Gore's.

Then I became a Christian and I started thinking - with that part of my body behind my eye. I don’t have a party affiliation. I study both sides and I am a Christian first, conservative second.(This is my political speak)

Politicians likes to pound on where they stand on the issue of foreign policy and the local economy. These are major issues, that's for sure, but I myself only has these questions to ask from a candidate : Who do you believe is the giver of life and what is a fetus? The second question should not be hard to answer because anyone who has bought a condom knows when life is conceived. If a candidate answers this question correctly, he will handle all the other issues rightly. But if a candidate is vague on his answer to this question, it means that his definition of a fetus is: "It" is not viable until "It " graduates from law school.

And therefore, "It" can be eliminated anytime "It" is deemed a burden to a person's lifestyle and or to society. I hate to think of what would happen to me when I am no longer capable of thinking for myself and Chat is not around to fight for me anymore. All other issues will be irrelevant if a candidate doesn't know what a fetus is. Because I believe that a person's vertical relationship determines how he handles the horizontal issues.

So what about Sara Palin? I'm not sure about the gun-toting part but I love the beehive-librarian bun, the retro specs, the “rig hand” husband with GQ hair who does not have a college degree (just like me) and normal as can be kids – what, you want me to say that getting pregnant at 17 is not normal nowadays?

But you say, “Come on now, we’re talking about some woman who has no experience, who is just a breath away from becoming the POTUS, because John is 72 and just might hit the dust soon.”
Experience? That's what advisers are for. And don't be concerned about how she's going to handle the debate. Sara will be fine. You know why? Because they already know the questions so they’ve already studied for the answer. When she made the headlines because of her speech during the RNC, people were quick to point out that she did not write her own speech. Which politician does? Plagiarism is illegal, right? Except to the politicians. Everyone of them uses a speechwriter and yet does not give credit to the writer. But I think Joe is smart for not saying anymore than his awestruck "she's a babe" comment and better yet he told his supporters to find something else to pick Sara with because readers might just remind him of this.

Joe, John, Barry and Sara, they're all politicians - you'll never know what they'll do. They say one thing and do another - just like a hormonal woman. But this I know for sure; the difference between Osama Bin Laden and a woman with PMS? At least, Osama will negotiate.